Through the Trials
by Confessed4Life
Summary: Richard must come to terms with the anger and Rahl magic within him, but when Kahlan must take a mate, it pulls everything they have into question.
1. Chapter 1

"Kahlan?" Richard called out over the lake. It was dark, but the light from the moon gave him almost a perfect view of the area around him. She had gone for a swim, a few minutes to relax after the long day they had. His body relaxed as she emerged from the water, her eyes meeting his instantly. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," she lied instantly, wiping the water from her face.

Sitting at the edge of the water, he grabbed her dress and began folding, needing to keep his hands busy. "I know it doesn't mean very much, but Kahlan, I'm sorry."

Swimming a bit closer, she nodded. "I know."

"I never wanted to hurt anyone, especially you." Looking up from her white dress, he met her eyes. "I keep replaying it in my mind. Kahlan, I killed all of those people."

"You weren't yourself."

"The Rahl magic is inside of me. Kahlan, I don't want to be like him."

She wanted to come to his side, lean her shoulder against his and comfort him, but she couldn't. "You won't."

"You saw what I did to that village. How can I say I want to protect people when I am the one they should be protected from?" Rubbing his face with his hands, he sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" Standing he laid her dress neatly on the ground and turned away, taking a few steps before he looked back to her. "I'm sorry, Kahlan."

"You don't have to go," she said before she could stop herself. "The lake is big enough for the both of us."

"Kahlan-"

"You shouldn't be alone with your thoughts," she added. "They're not you."

"How do you know?" he asked quietly. "Kahlan, I never thought that I would be this kind of man, but I killed everyone in that village and-"

"Come here."

"What?"

Lifting her right arm out of the water, she reached out for him. "Come here."

Holding her gaze, he yanked his shirt over his head and without hesitation, made his way into the water. It was colder than he imagined, but as he came closer to her, it grew warmer. He stayed a foot away from her, making sure he didn't threaten her with his presence. She was beautiful, his eyes finding it nearly impossible to look away. The moonlight made her appear to glow, continuing to take his breath from his lungs.

"I never wanted to hurt anyone."

"I know."

"I'm sorry I embarrassed you, about what I said when we were with Cara and Zedd."

"Richard-"

"I shouldn't have said anything and I know that you-"

"It's alright, Richard." Relief flooded his face, making her smile. "I wasn't embarrassed."

"I saw your face, Kahlan."

"I wasn't embarrassed. Sometimes I think I match your frustration."

His mouth opened slightly in shock, her honesty on the subject surprising him. "Kahlan, I-"

He stopped himself and instead, reached out and pulled her into his arms. She gave a quiet moan as her breasts flattened against his chest, a flesh connection she had never felt before. Her hands moved over his back, curling over his shoulders as he brought his lips to hers. He held his own hands firmly on the small of her back, keeping her as close to him as possible without pushing her too far. She returned his kiss with just as much passion, her body rocking forward as her fingers slipped into his hair.

He needed to be closer to her, but he was sure that if he made another move, he would bring her to stop. With each kiss, she seemed to suck the pain out of him and he couldn't let her go. She pulled herself to him, parting her lips to greet his tongue with hers. Her body quivered as the wind blew, brushing by as he partly lifted her from the water. Breaking their kiss, he trailed his lips over her jaw, his mouth opening slightly as he moved down her neck.

She pulled him closer, holding his mouth to her skin as her head fell back. No one had ever touched her this way and she knew that it could only be temporary, but she was determined to enjoy the moment. Wrapping her legs around him, she bucked forward, a moan of pleasure instantly leaving her lips. He took advantage of the moment, lowering one of his hands to help her find the pressure she needed, while his other brushed over her right breast. She jumped at the contact, making him smile against her shoulder as he started carrying her back to land.

The instant he was able, he had her back against the ground She didn't stop him as he laid over her, his mouth reconnecting with hers as she allowed him to settle perfectly between her legs. Bringing his left hand back to her breast, he brushed it first, letting her know what he was about to do. Her back lifted from the ground at his touch, her body seeking everything he wanted to give her. She pulled at his hair, gently, but he stopped at once, his hand releasing her as his mouth left hers.

He started to pull away, but stopped himself, remembering that she was naked and wouldn't want him to see her. With a kiss to her chin, he reached for the towel she had brought, a piece of cloth he had missed until now and brought it between them. Unable to stop himself, he kissed her lips once more and then forced himself to move off of her, his eyes instantly rushing to the sky as he laid on his back beside her. He expected her to dress quickly, but she didn't.

Covering herself with the towel, she turned on her side and brought her arm to his chest. "I'm sorry."

Richard brought his eyes to hers at once, surprised that she remained so close to him. "Why?"

Her cheeks turned pink as her eyes dropped to his chest. "For stopping you."

He smiled, moving his right arm to wrap around her. "You don't have to be sorry, I understand."

"You'll never be like him, Richard." The smile left his lips, his mind quickly returning to what he had done. Holding his gaze, she leaned forward. "He wouldn't have stopped." Giving him a swift kiss, she sat forward and began to dress herself.

"I can still hear them scream."

Turning toward him, she abandoned her actions. "That's not who you are, Richard. I've seen you angry before and never once have you hurt someone- Your sword, it fuels that part of you."

"Kahlan, I don't like it."

"I know," she whispered. "Zedd said that you could learn to control it."

"And how many more will I kill before I do? Will I hurt you?"

"You'll feel it growing stronger and you will stop it."

He stared at her, confused and scared, but she smiled. "How can you be sure?"

"I know you. I know the kind of man you are and knowing that you can bring harm to someone will be all you need to keep from it." Grinning, she pushed her hand against his side. "And if you can't stop yourself, you'll have to get through the three of us."

"That's not comforting, Kahlan. I could hurt you."

"And I could hurt you."

He remained quiet for a moment, understanding her meaning but failing to see how it was close to his problem. "That's not the same thing. Kahlan, you would never hurt me."

"It's exactly the same thing," she said through a whisper. "We both have a part of us who can hurt others, but the one thing we are sure of is that we would never hurt each other." Looking out to the water, she frowned. "We all have a part of ourselves that we are afraid of."

"Does it ever go away?"

"No, but sometimes when I'm with you, I forget to be afraid for a few moments."

He smiled widely and sat forward, inching closer to her warmth. "I'm not afraid of you, Kahlan."

"I know, but you should be." Moving her eyes back to him, smiled with slightly pink cheeks. "You don't know how close I came to destroying you tonight."

"I can imagine," he teased with a nudge against her shoulder. "It's hard to be careful with you."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not."

She gave him a smile, her embarrassment fading as his face matched hers. "I know."

"Do you want me to help you get dressed?"

Her laugh echoed around them, quietly, as though the world knew their actions should be hidden from their friends. "Would you mind? The corset is a little difficult to do on my own."

"I don't mind, in fact," he whispered into her ear, his hands moving to her shoulders. "If you need my help at any time, I would be honored to..."

His hands moved to her stomach, sliding just below her breasts. "Spirits, Richard..."

"Do you want me to stop?" He whispered the words as his chest pressed against her back, giving her head his shoulder to fall back on.

"No."

His lips came to her neck, his nose pushing her hair out of his way as he brought his hands to her breasts. She pushed into his grasp at once, thriving on the new feeling before laying her hands over his. He moved slowly, trying not to go faster than she could handle, ignoring his own urged needs that begged for her. His pants were beginning to dry, seeming to shrink with each passing moment, making it impossible for him to hide his desire. She sensed him behind her and before her mind could stop her, she pulled his hands from her chest and turned into his arms, crawling onto his lap to connect their lips.

Kahlan rocked forward for a moment, rolling her hips until their mouths broke with a united moaned gasp. Dropping her hands between them, she pulled at the swelled laces of his pants and tried to set him free. His mouth remained around hers, kissing every other second as she worked on his pants. It took her less time than he thought, but once his pants were untied, he knew he had to stop them.

"Kahlan..." Her lips hit his and she took control, grabbing his face as she pushed forward. He could feel her against him, rocking with pleasure and it drove him wild. "We can't-"

Opening her eyes, she let him see the darkness of her eyes and paused. "I know, but that doesn't mean you can't..."

Pushing his back to the ground, she hovered above him, her hands roaming his chest. He remained still, partly confused as her lips touched the hollow of his throat and began moving lower. Richard threaded his fingers into her hair, lightly massaging her scalp as she continued without hesitation. When she passed his waist, his eyes fell closed, her kisses becoming slower and her tongue lingering just long enough to cause his hips to lift from the ground. Tracing her fingers along the top of his pants, she distracted him with a moan of her own and pulled.

"Kahlan," he panted, trying to stop her without hurting her. "You don't have to- Spirits!"

His hands fell to the ground as her lips surrounded him, a loud moan leaving his lips. She didn't hesitate with her motions, though a part of her was terrified. The sounds he made encouraged her, telling her what to do without the words. Grabbing at the dirt, his eyes rolled to the back of his head with a loud moan, the soft hum she provided sending farther away.

"Kahlan, please..." He managed to pant as he brought his fingers back to her hair. There was only one thing he knew to say that would bring her to stop and he was almost worried that it would upset her. "Kahlan... Stop."

As he knew she would, Kahlan pulled back, embarrassed and darted her eyes to the ground to avoid the heat of his powerful gaze. "I'm sorry."

Richard continued breathing heavily, his chest trembling as his heart raced inside of him. "No, don't be. Spirits, I- Don't be. That was- You were-" Licking his lips, he pushed his head into the ground and nearly shouted her name, his release taking over him completely. After a moment, he reached for her hand, knowing she would feel it shake in hers. "I didn't want to... Spirits... I had to warn you."

Her hand trembled with his, unsure as to what to do as he struggled to find his next breath. She enjoyed the sight, the sound and faint aroma that seemed to fill the air around them, each locking in her mind to give her something more to relive the moment. She had been afraid that she had done something wrong, something he didn't want and her heart had yet to let her forget it. It pounded against her chest, ringing in her ears as Richard's body jerked before her. She was more aroused than before and without thought, she acted upon it.

As another gasp for air left his lips, she took the index finger of her left hand and trailed it through the white liquid that touched a small portion of her stomach, spreading it in curiosity. It covered the top of his manhood, flicking off as she brushed her hand by. His eyes opened and came to her movement, watching quietly as she discovered more of him. He had been with women before, two, but it had never been like this. Before, he had been with them completely and had never felt what, in just a few moments, she had made him feel. The high was incredible and if anyone asked, he would gladly tell them of the spots that danced in his vision and the way he felt he would explode again and again.

Her movements were slow and gentle, yet each graze of her finger threatened to end him. His breath refused to return to him, unwilling to help as he lost himself to her. It was natural for her to be curious and he knew that there had never been a man before him and he wanted her to know him. It didn't fully make sense in his mind, a part of him wanting to stop her movements and beg her to tell him how she had learned such pleasure and the other wished her to continue and never let him go. She traced her fingers to the tip of his manhood, letting them curl around him for a moment and tighten. He thought to stop her, but she was breathing heavily and the way she concentrated on him, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Her name left his lips quietly, carried by the wind to her ears, making her freeze. He watched a series of emotions come over her face, settling on what he thought to be embarrassed confusion. She released him at once and pulled her hand back, her arms crossing over her chest.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"It's alright," he assured her without pause. "I would have let you continue if I thought I could handle it." His words were gently quiet, comforting instantly. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me?"

He smiled, fighting a laugh at her innocence. "I'm not sure I could stop myself from rolling onto you and never stopping." Her nod was slow, comprehension settling in with the fog of the night around them. "Are you alright?"

"Embarrassed," she admitted freely.

"Don't be." Sitting up, he tried to decide if moving closer was the right thing to do. She was staring at the ground, her hands folded together in her lap and she was, still, completely naked. "Do you want me to help you with your corset?"

Her eyes raised to his, a smile hidden on her face. "I believe it was that offer that lead us here."

"Maybe, but I am still willing to help you."

"We should be quick, they'll notice we're gone."

Nodding, he straightened his shoulders he raised his head, nobly. "As you wish, Mother Confessor." Her corset was in his hands before she could blink and offered to her before her next breath.

Taking the leather into her hands, she stared at it for a moment, her mind racing in so many directions, it made her head ache. "Richard," she whispered when her thoughts were on a single one. "Why- I've been sitting before you, naked and your eyes haven't left mine."

"Do you want them to?"

"I don't know."

Pushing a few wet strands of hair behind her ear, he smiled, kissing her briefly. "Then, I hope we'll discuss this when you do."

"Richard... I don't think I'll find the courage again."

Holding her gaze, he smiled. "Yes, you will. Kahlan, you don't want me to look at you and I understand. I do. You don't have to do anything you don't want to and I'm still going to hold your hand when we walk back to camp."

"Richard-"

"It's alright, Kahlan. I want you to be comfortable, not pressured into it." Richard held his forehead to hers and smiled. "And my imagination is better than you think."

Her frown remained consistent as she looked down to the dirt between them. "I don't want to disappoint you."

"It's not possible."

"How do you know?" she asked quickly. "Maybe I'm hideous."

He laughed, hard, his body shaking. "That would be impossible."

Kahlan remained quiet as she brought her arms through the straps of her corset. He was still chuckling and though she was flattered by his words, they didn't bring her mind to ease. "Richard," she was surprised how stable she spoke his name, but tried to continue. "What I did- I... I don't want you to think any less of me."

"I don't. Kahlan, you showed me how passionate you are, selfless. There is nothing to think less of you. It's me you should think less of. I didn't stop you."

"Richard-"

"Isn't that what you're afraid of? I was weak and though I didn't need you to, I wanted you to."

"That's not weakness," she told him as she turned away, giving him access to the laces of her corset for him to work on. "It's mine that I'm afraid of."

"I don't think you have a weakness."

"Before, when we were... I didn't want you to stop."

He grinned, finishing the lacing with a small, uneven bow. "Neither did I."

"It's frustrating." Turning her head, she looked at him with a frown. "I want to be with you more than I've ever wanted anything, but..." Releasing a sigh, she reached for her skirt. "You should head back, I'll meet you there when I'm finished."

"But what?" he asked quietly.

"As much as I want to be with you, the one time wouldn't make destroying you worth it."

"You would still have me."

"Not the you that I love. Please- I'll follow as soon as I'm dressed."

She watched the ground as he fixed his pants, both having forgotten he was still exposed. When he finished, he rubbed his hand over his stomach, trying to remove what was left from his release, the action failing to remove all evidence. Her eyes followed him as he came to his feet, noticing the way the dirt clung to his wet pants as he grabbed his shirt. "Would you mind if I waited for you in the trees? I'd like to return with you."

"Richard-"

"I promise our clothes will remain on."

She smiled, giving him one of his own as she nodded. "Alright."

He awoke first, he always did. The sun was just beginning to peak through the trees, a soft honey light falling around them as Richard shifted without waking the woman who slept in his arms. He didn't know when they had come to lie this way, but he wasn't going to end it. Her chest was pressed firmly against his, her face in the crook of his neck, her right arm wrapped around his shoulder, holding herself close and warm. The sensation brought the memories of the previous night back in full, his body jerking forward at the feel of her lips around him.

Closing his eyes, he let his mind linger on the memory, his heart now pounding against his chest. She inched closer, her own body responding to the soft roll of his hips. Her eyes opened and her head pulled back, brining his actions to a dead stop. He was about to apologize when she came closer and brushed her lips against his. The kiss heated quickly, the Seeker pushing forward while his left hand slid beneath her dress.

The moment was lost to them, neither remembering that they weren't alone and the one who had kept watch last watched. Zedd waited a moment, hoping it would give them enough time to stop their actions. As he started to clear his throat, the couple pulled apart, Kahlan gasping for her next breath quietly. The wizard held his eyes on them, wishing there was something he could do to ease their pain. She was holding his face to hers, sharing his breath with a smile as he whispered something the older man couldn't hear.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

Blinking sleepily, she smiled. "I know."

"Zedd is watching us."

"He should be."

"He hasn't said anything."

"We would be fools to tear our clothes off in the middle of our camp."

"No, we would naked."

She laughed, louder than she intended, forcing the couple to move apart and sit up. Their eyes met the wizard's first, his grey and bushy eyebrows frowning at them in disappointment. He said nothing, surprising the others, but they took his silence as a mercy. They knew how he felt about them being so close and as the days passed, they only grew closer.

In the hopes of changing the subject on their minds, Richard cleared his throat. "Zedd, is there any way to remove the Rahl magic within me?"

"Why would you want to do that?" Kahlan asked in confusion. "It's a part of you and makes you who you are."

"And we all saw what I became with it. I don't want to hurt anyone again."

Zedd sighed, his grandson's words being far from what he wanted to hear. "There may be a way, but it will take you away from your quest."

"What do you mean?"

"The Palace of the Prophets, the Sister of the Light will be able to help you."

"Can they take it from me?"

"If that is what you wish."

"He hasn't said anything since we set out this morning," Richard whispered to his friends. He was walking between Cara and Kahlan, watching as Zedd hurried ahead of them in silence.

"Can you blame him?" the Mord'Sith asked, annoyed.

"It's partly his magic within you, don't you think he should be upset that you want to remove it?"

"I didn't think about it that way."

"Obviously."

"You're not helping, Cara."

Looking past the man between them, the blonde met her friend's eyes. "There is nothing to help. He's made up his mind and there is nothing we can say to change it. He's afraid of himself."

"I don't want to hurt anyone," he spoke through a distant voice.

"You don't want to hurt her," Cara corrected him. "We each know that if you were sure you wouldn't raise your sword at her again, you'd push past this idiotic thought and take control."

"You're right," he replied instantly. "I don't want to hurt her." Coming to a stop, he reached out and took Kahlan's hand. "I don't want to hurt you, but that isn't the only reason."

Squeezing his hand, she smiled, easing his mind. "I know, but it is the only one we can help you with."

"What do you mean?"

Releasing his hand, she stepped back and motioned for their friend to come to her side. "Hold your sword."

"What?"

"Hold your sword and look at me."

"No-"

"Cara is here, I'll be fine."

Stepping forward, he lowered his voice to a whisper. "Kahlan, please don't ask me to do this."

"I'll be fine Richard, I promise."

"I don't want to hurt you."

She responded by connecting their lips, a slow kiss that she knew would take away his fear. "Trust me."

"Kahlan-"

"You can fight it and we have seen you do it. Trust me."

Closing his eyes, he stepped back and swallowed his fear. "If I lose control," he whispered as his eyes came to Cara. "Stop me."

Bringing his eyes back to Kahlan's he smiled, a failed attempt to calm himself as he slowly brought his hand to the hilt of his sword. Before anyone could blink, his knuckles were white and his jaw locked. Anger filled his eyes as he looked into the eyes of the woman he loved. He shook, a soft growl vibrating through his chest while his mind raced.

"You have to focus, Richard. It's alright to be angry, it's alright for you to-"

"It's not alright, Kahlan!" he shouted in fury, stepping closer. She remained still, her eyes locked on his. "Nothing about this is alright!"

"Why?" She was pushing, harder than she knew was necessary, but there was no doubt in her mind that he could handle the situation.

"Why?!" he shouted so loudly it was almost a shriek. "Have you forgotten last night?!" Her body froze, her heart stopped in a horrific pain she had never experienced before. Cara stared at the couple in confusion, secretly eager to hear more. "How can that be alright?!"

"You could have stopped me."

Yanking his hand from the sword, Richard screamed and turned away. She closed the distance between them before he had a moment to catch his breath; before his anger faded. The instant he felt her touch, he rolled his shoulders forcefully, knocking her back a few steps. With a heavy growl of fury, he turned toward her, but was instantly met by her chest against his. Before he was able to stop her, she grabbed his face and kissed him. He fought her for a moment, trying to get free until she slipped her hands beneath his shirt and up his back. He froze all movements, almost falling into her as his magic rushed through him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as his arms came to wrap around her. "Last night, I shouldn't have-"

"No," Richard interrupted quickly. "What we did is not what angers me. Kahlan, how can it be alright for you to sacrifice everything for me?" Stepping back, he slowly pulled his hands from her waist. "It shouldn't be all for one of us." Shaking his head, he let out a heavy breath and turned away, his eyes finding his grandfather standing a few dozen feet away, mouth agape and confusion in his eyes. "How far is the palace?"

"Richard-"

"You can't change my mind, Kahlan. I just- I was so angry; I wanted to hurt you. I will not allow it to happen again. I will not call upon this magic again." He spoke as he walked, his head high and shoulders strong, never once turning to look at her.

"What did you do last night?" Cara asked, enthralled with the possibilities.

"We went for a swim," the brunette answered as they caught up to the wizard. "It was harmless, for him."

The blonde grabbed her friend's arm, half smiling as she brought her to a stop. "He let you do it?"

Lowering her eyes, Kahlan nodded. "Not at first."

"And?"

"I did what you told me to."

"And he was pleased?"

"Yes."

With a soft chuckle, Cara nodded and began walking again. "I told you he would like it."

"You heard him, he didn't want me to-"

"He wanted you to do it, if he didn't, he would have stopped you." Giving a sigh, she stopped again and looked back to her friend. "He's not upset about what you did. He's angry for what he didn't do."

Taking a step forward, Kahlan sighed. "I thought it would be enough to give him; I was wrong."

Rolling her eyes, Cara frowned. "You would be wrong not to do it again."

"I can't. I don't think I have the courage."

With a laugh, the Mord'Sith began walking again. "He'll come to you again."

Walking beside her, she moved closer to be sure that they were not heard. "How could he?" she asked timidly. "You heard what he said, how he said it. I went through with it because I thought that it would make things between us easier, but I was wrong. Cara, I don't know what to do."

"Give him what he wants."

"I can't."

Glancing to her friend, she scoffed, "He'll look at you, you'll melt and-"

"I can't."

"But you will," the blonde said quickly. "That's all you can give him."


	2. Chapter 2

When night came, Kahlan laid her bedroll on the opposite side of the fire, being sure to keep herself from him as she settled down. She was freezing, but she couldn't bring herself to face the fire, to face him. Holding her eyes closed, she waited for the exhaustion to take over and relieve her from the thoughts circling her mind. Images of him were trapped in her mind, holding her hostage as she listened to the others talk.

Zedd had, at last, begun to talk, starting with what he had seen earlier that day. "You can learn to control it."

"If I can't and I hurt her- If I hurt any of you-"

"You didn't hurt anyone today."

"I almost did, I wanted to and if I hadn't pulled my hand away, who knows what I may have done?"

"You would never hurt her, Richard."

Looking over the fire, he sighed. "I already have."

"What happened between the two of you?"

Lowering his eyes to the ground, he rubbed his hands together, buying himself a moment to find the right words. "She gave me something I couldn't return." He whispered his reply, hoping that if she was awake, she wouldn't hear him. "I've been with women before, Zedd. It was never the way it is with her, our nights together meant nothing, but last night, she gave me something no one ever had."

"Richard-"

"We didn't do anything wrong, Zedd. Nothing for you to be angry for, but we- Sometimes I think she's trapped inside of herself, but last night, for a moment, she was freed. I know how you feel about us, Zedd, but she would never hurt me." Bringing his eyes back to her, he swallowed. "She would do anything for me."

"I have no doubt of that, Richard, but how far are you willing to let her go?"

"I don't know."

"Does she?"

She was still awake when his watch was over, sleep having failed to claim her. Remaining still, she held her eyes closed as he stepped beside her, hoping to fool him into thinking she was asleep. Without a word, he laid down beside her, draping them both with his blanket. Rolling onto his side, he studied her face, taking in the beauty before touching his fingers to her cheek. He knew she was awake, but held his tongue as he pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. She didn't move, but he hadn't expected her to.

"You shouldn't be so close to me."

"There is no other place I want to be."

"Richard," she started quietly, pushing her hand against his chest. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not alright."

He closed his eyes for a moment, a soft sigh leaving his lips. "I never wanted to hurt you. Kahlan. I didn't mean that what we did-"

"What I did," she corrected softly. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Kahlan, I know you, I know how you feel about being with me and yet, last night you- Why did you do that?"

Closing her eyes, she shook her head. "I thought that it would- It's all that I can give you." Licking her lips, she opened her eyes and stared at his mouth, knowing she wouldn't be able to continue in their eyes met. "I thought about it for a few days, wondering if I should listen to Cara, but last night I seemed to have a surge of courage."

"I never meant to make you think I didn't enjoy it, Kahlan."

"Please don't-"

"I did," he continued without pause. "Very much."

"But it wasn't alright for me to do."

"That's not what I meant."

At last, she gave in and met his eyes, hers covered with a light set of tears. "What did you mean?"

"I meant that it's not alright for you to give me what you did and receive nothing in return." His thumb found her lips and gently moved over them, marveling at the softness. "You expected nothing from me and I wanted to give you everything." Pulling his hand back, he brought it to her side. "That wasn't how I planned to be with you."

"Richard-"

"I know that you don't think I should think about it, but I do. All of the time. I can't stop myself, Kahlan and I know that it scares you, but-"

"I don't think you understand just how much it scares me."

"You don't have to be afraid."

"But I am."

Hugging her to him, he closed his eyes, knowing there was nothing he could say to ease her mind. He knew her mind would never stop spinning, but he hoped he could slow her thoughts down. "Try to sleep, I'll make sure you're warm."

"Thank you."

She was gone when he woke up, making him question the memories of the previous night in his mind. He thought they had made up and that his words had eased her mind, but awaking alone, told him otherwise. Sitting up, he looked around the camp. Two of his friends were sitting by the small fire, watching their breakfast cook, but there was no sign of anyone else. They didn't appear to be worried or uncomfortable, telling him that wherever Kahlan had gone, they knew about it. That thought brought a slight ease to his mind, but it faded as he realized her things weren't around him.

"Where's Kahlan?"

Zedd looked up from his empty bowl, meeting his grandson's eyes. "She's filling the water skins. She grew restless waiting for breakfast."

Looking around them, he came to his feet stretching his arms above his head. "It will be raining soon, we should get moving."

"Not until I've had my breakfast," Zedd said without looking up.

Richard chuckled, meeting his other friend's eyes. "I'm going to find Kahlan."

Cara rolled her eyes, knowing the words would leave his mouth. "She went toward the sun."

Light rain drops dripped upon him as he moved through the trees, his mind lingering on the night before as he hummed softly. Her tracks were easy to follow, bringing a smile to his face as he noticed where she had stopped to pick a few of the wild flowers. She always had one on her, something simple to remind her of the beauty their current world seemed to want to hide, she once told him. Picking one himself, he twirled the stem between his fingers, letting it dance before pushing it into his pocket. There was a loud rumble of thunder around him and he froze, searching the area, he called out for her.

"Kahlan?!" There was no reply, sending him into a panic as he ran forward.

It wasn't long before he found the river, their water skins left on the bank beside a pool of blood. He called her name once more, desperately waiting to hear her laugh and jump out from behind one of the trees, grinning as she told him not to be so serious. Following the small trail of blood, he reentered the trees, seeing more than enough signs that told him she had followed someone into them. After no more than a minute, he saw the white of the Mother Confessor's dress sticking out behind a set of trees.

Richard rushed toward the fabric, sliding the last few feet in the damp mud. "Kahlan!" She was leaning against the tree, her eyes barely open, three bolts through her shoulder and chest. "Spirits, what happened?!"

"Othing," she spoke as she fought the urge to cough up the blood that lingered in her mouth and throat. "Fine."

Moving her slowly and gently, he brought her back to the ground and poked his fingers around the arrow bolts, testing the wounds. "I can't pull these out, Kahlan, you'll bleed to death in minutes." He tried to speak calmly, but panic overflowed within him. The rain was coming down hard around them, drowning out every other sound except her soft moans of pain between ragged breaths. "I'm going to get you back to Zedd. Kahlan, you have to stay with me, alright?" Her eyes closed as he lifted her into his arms, her body limp in his hold. "Stay with me, Kahlan!"

He nearly slipped more times than he could count on his way back to their camp, the rain making the dirt and rocks more dangerous than before. It was impossible for his mind to stop spinning and now he couldn't tell where the rain ended and his tears began. He could feel the rage rising within him and having his sword at his side made him burn hotter with each breath. Stumbling into the sight of his friends, he shouted to his grandfather, screaming for him to help her before he removed his head.

Once the wizard had her in his arms, the Seeker left her. It was a surprise to them all, but he couldn't see past his anger. He would find whoever had hurt her and he would end their life. Nothing would stop him from destroying everything that could bring her pain.

Kahlan's eyes opened to the sight of his bloody face, a furious frown that made her body ache even more. "Richard?"

"They're dead," he told her emotionlessly. "Everyone at their camp."

Her eyes fell closed once again, her hand moving for his. "I'm sorry." Richard started to pull his hand back, but she wouldn't let go, her gaze being forced to his. "I didn't see him."

"Kahlan," Zedd said calmly, hoping to draw her attention. "It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it is. Richard I didn't want you to feel the anger again. If I had seen him before- I'm so sorry, Richard." Releasing his hand, she turned her head, making sure she couldn't see him as he moved away. "We should get moving."

"You shouldn't move just yet," the wizard told her quietly. "I'm not sure how much damage was done and you may not be able to move your left arm like you had before. He was a skilled marksman."

"I know," she whispered in pain. "I noticed when the first bolt hit my chest." Forcing herself to sit up, she pushed her right hand against her left shoulder with a groan. "I don't know where he came from."

"Richard followed his tracks for miles, there was a group of Darken Rahl's warriors collecting."

"Oh." Gritting her teeth, Kahlan forced back a moan of pain and turned toward the wizard. "How long was I asleep?"

"Almost a day. It was more difficult to tend to your wounds in the rain. I will take another look at them if you'd like."

"No," Kahlan smiled weakly, coming to her feet as gracefully as she could. "We shouldn't waste any more time."

Richard walked ahead of them with Cara, his hand holding the hilt of the sword so tight, even the blonde remained quiet for fear of his wrath. The sun failed to help the situation, hiding behind a thick layer of dark clouds, masking them all in its darkness. Kahlan walked beside the wizard in a pace that she was sure to keep him from asking if she was alright. In truth, her body not only ached, but it begged for a moment of rest and she knew if she was to stop, she may not be able to get moving again. The area around her shoulder wound was swollen, obviously mocking her with each move as it rubbed against her clothing. It whispered its anger in her ear, using the voice of the man she loved.

"I'm not sure we can get him to stop for the night," Zedd told her through a soft breath. "He doesn't seem to be growing tired."

"He'll stop," she replied quietly. "There will come a moment and however brief it is, Richard will win and he'll stop long enough to give us some rest."

"I'll tend to the shoulder when it happens, it's bleeding through your dress."

"It's fine. I think I pulled on it the wrong way. There is something far greater we need to tend to."

"Do you know what you're going to do?"

"I have a small plan, but I'm not sure how good it will be. If I get him to let go of the sword, is there anything you can do?"

"There may be, but-"

"Do it," she told him quickly, trying to pick up her pace. They were grower farther behind and in the state he was in, she knew he wouldn't wait for them.

"Rest here," Richard growled in annoyance.

With his hand still on the sword, he dropped his travel pack and circled the area, making sure they were safe, at least for the moment. Cara watched him for a few moments, trying to decide if it was worth attacking him with her agiel to calm him down, but the instant she met her other friend's eyes, she dropped the idea. Pushing her back against a tree, Kahlan closed her eyes and slowly began lowering herself to the ground. Her arm was almost completely numb, but she refused to let it interfere with her plan. She needed a moment to gather herself, but as she looked to her dress, she fought back a soft cry of shock.

The front of her white dress was covered in blood, most she knew to be from the original accident, but it was far worse now. Shaking her head, she looked back around her, finding him instantly. Richard sat across from her, several paces away with a stack of twigs. He spoke a single word to the wizard, having him light it so his hand couldn't leave his blade. Laying back, the Seeker pushed his left arm behind his head, using it as a pillow as he closed his eyes. Without waiting another moment, Kahlan struggled to her feet and made her way to him.

She nearly collapsed as reached his side, dropping to her knees a little harder than she had intended. His eyes opened, but she didn't meet them, instead, she brought her right arm to his chest and her head to his side, taking in a slow and deep breath to prepare herself for what he would do. With a much more gentle push than she expected, he rolled her from him and before he could return to his previous position, her hand was back on his chest, staining the blue fabric with her blood.

She felt him move as she opened her eyes, finding his in an instant. "Thank you, Richard." She whispered it so softly, she knew he was the only one who heard, the only one who could see the truth of her gratitude in her eyes and faint smile. "I know it must be terrible to feel the anger," she added just as before. "But you saved me and I have to say thank you." Her hand grabbed at his shirt, trying to hold his attention just a moment longer and just as she grew too tired to continue, his hand came to hers, holding it in place as her eyes fell closed. "Thank you."

Zedd watched carefully, seeing the way his grandson fought off the anger of the sword, the power driven into his blood that threatened to take him from them all. He knew the relationship they had was strong, but seeing what it did to him now made his heart pound in a pain he hadn't felt in so long. Richard's actions pulled him from his thoughts, forcing him to come back to the moment before him. He rolled her off of her stomach, easing the pain and pressure from her wounds. Her eyes remained closed, the pain taking its toll as he brought his hands to her chest.

He tested the area with his fingers, finding the two wounds that brought her the most pain. Without hesitation, he ripped the newly fixed clothing and sat up completely for a better look. He held a frown, though no one could tell if it was from the look of her or the memories of what he had done. Pulling a small cloth from his pack, he dumped some of the cool liquid from his water skin onto it and then pressed the damp cloth to her shoulder. A soft groan escaped her lips, but it faded quickly, the small amount of relief coming rapidly.

Removing the cloth, he repeated the action with one of the other wounds, holding it firmly between her breasts. He felt her chest rise slightly with each breath, but he was sure she wasn't getting enough air.

"Zedd," he spoke at last, his eyes never leaving her face. "She needs your help."

The wizard came to her side at once, tending to her shoulder first. "As I suspected," he whispered more to her than anyone else. "The rain made it more difficult to heal, it's become infected. Cara, bring me my bag, please." He knew better than to ask his grandson to move from her side, but unlike he thought, Cara didn't hesitate or seem annoyed by his request. "Give her something to bite on, I'm going to need to reopen this completely."

Richard removed his belt without thought, bringing it to her mouth as gently as possible and just in time as the wizard cut into her skin. She struggled for a moment, her teeth locked in the leather until she lost consciousness. Zedd continued to move as though nothing was wrong, blending some herbs, leaves and flowers together in a bowl before packing them into the hole. The blood stopped almost instantly, a sight of relief as the Seeker continued to watch. After an hour, the older man sat back on his heels with a sigh, cleaning her blood from his hands with the bottom of his robe.

"She will feel better when she awakes," he reassured his grandson.

Cara came to her feet and began walking, a small smile on her lips. "She will need to eat something when she wakes up. I'll catch dinner."

Once the blonde was through the trees, Richard looked up to his grandfather. "She thanked me, Zedd."

"Of course she did," he replied instantly.

"I murdered all of those men-"

"They were Darken Rahl's men, Richard. If they hadn't killed her, they would have returned. When you killed them, you saved her life. Kahlan understands that."

"I shouldn't have left her."

"She was asleep, even if you weren't covered in blood, she wouldn't have known you left."

Bringing his eyes back to her, his frown deepened. "She always knows." Taking her hand, he crossed his legs before her and brought their grasp to his lap. "I'm sorry, Kahlan." He could feel the sword beside him, whispering that if he held it, she would be safe, that they all would be safe, but he didn't believe it. "I was angry with you before and I know that it's silly, but it was so strong. I couldn't understand why you went by yourself to get water and a part of me blamed you for what happened. In truth, Kahlan, I'm always afraid when you're out of my sight and even when I'm looking at you because I know that I can never protect you the way I want to. If I could, you would never have to worry about getting hurt, about anything except living the way you wanted. That's the life I want for you; that's the life I will die trying to give you." Lowering his voice, he almost smiled. "I'll give you that life one day, Kahlan. The one where we can be together; where you can have what you've given me. Sometimes when I am holding the sword, I see it. It's distant, but it's there. It's with you." He kissed her hand, wanting to be sure he didn't disturb her by kissing her lips like he longed to. "I'm sorry, Kahlan."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she said softly, her eyes never opening.

"Yes, I do."

A small smile came to her lips as she returned his grasp of her hand. "You were keeping me safe."

"I didn't do a very good job."

"You'll get better," she teased. It was easier to make him feel a little bit better than trying to convince him how she truly felt. "My shoulder hurts."

"Zedd said it will get better; he thinks he's attracted most of the infection."

"I'm not complaining," she smiled, turning her head slightly toward him. "It was nearly numb for hours, for a while I was sure it was going to fall onto the ground."

"You could have stopped me."

"There was no need. You stopped when you needed to."

"I could have stopped when you needed me to," he countered shamefully.

"Then we would have wasted a day."

He smiled, rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand. "It would be nice to have a slow day. Spend a few hours laying beneath the sun... Near a garden so we can smell something new every time the wind blows."

"Mmmhmm sounds wonderful."

It was quiet for a moment, both letting the words dance around them in a hopeful tone. The thought was possible in his mind. Once they defeated the Keeper and closed the rifts, they would have the rest of their lives to spend together in any way they pleased, but he knew it wasn't the case in her mind. She had responsibilities and though he knew she could grant him one or many of those days, it would pain her to be so close. It would be some time before he was able to come through on his promise, but every part of him was determined to do it. The only question he had was, how long could he ask her to wait?

"Are you warm enough?"

"Nearly."

"I'll find you a blanket."

Tightening her hold on his hand, she shook her head slowly. "Please don't leave." When he stopped moving, she opened her eyes and brought them to his. "Would you lay here with me?"

He was silent as he laid down, draping his left arm over her stomach. His right hand held his head while propping it up on his elbow, it gave him a perfect view of her face as he settled down. She was pale, her eyes and lips standing out, being sure to capture his attention fully. Her hand rested on his forearm, held tighter than usual, an attempt to comfort herself into sleep without fearing that he would be gone when she awoke. Closing her eyes she took in a slow breath, making sure that she didn't strain her lungs, they already seemed to be on fire.

"You have to stop thinking to sleep," he whispered.

"I'm not thinking," she lied. "I was wondering."

"There is no difference, Kahlan."

"Mmmhmm, there is. You just have to be wise enough to see it."

Grinning, he shook his head slowly. "You are always going to be wiser than the rest of us."

"Of course," she teased with a smile of her own. "But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try."

"Doesn't it? I'll just have to make sure I spend more time with you and hope that it rubs off on me."

"It isn't possible." Opening her eyes, she turned her head toward his. "It's mine alone."

"Oh, I have no doubt. Everything about you is yours alone. I've never met anyone like you before."

"You will. Give it time, you've only been in the Midlands for a two years, there's so much you have yet to see."

"And if I don't care to see it?"

"You'll miss out on all of its beauty."

"I see it everyday," he whispered.

Darting her eyes to the sky, she frowned. "We should sleep. We can't lose more time, tomorrow."

"I'll sleep if you will."

"It's a deal."

Kahlan was still in his arms when he awoke early the next morning, starting his day with relief. Their position had changed, bringing them closer than they were before. After a quick glance at her chest, he noticed that sometime during the night, Zedd had tended to her wounds again, but from the refreshed sense he felt and the small smile on her face told him that their friend had made sure they didn't awake while he worked. It was a strange thought, that the wizard allowed them to lie together. His feelings on their relationship had been made clear more than enough times.

Snuggling closer to her, Richard took in a deep breath, relishing the moment. It was the first time in days, he felt good, safe from himself and admittedly, happy. Closing his eyes, he held her to him, knowing that at any time, they would be forced to move again.

"We have to get moving."

The Seeker jumped, surprised that he had fallen asleep so quickly, though from the warmth between them, he knew he shouldn't be.

"Are you alright?" she asked sleepily as she rolled onto her back. Her chest had been pressed against his for so long, the sudden brush of cool air made her voice shake.

"I should be asking you that."

Kahlan rolled her right shoulder, expecting a large amount of pain that didn't come. "I'm fine. I..." Rubbing her hand against her skin, she circled the area that had, just yesterday, held a hole that had bled more than she could remember. "When did he heal it?"

"I'm not sure. Zedd didn't wake either of us."

Sitting up, she checked the others, grinning as she was able to touch the skin without pain. "Thank you, Zedd."

The wizard shook his head, confusing the others. "I didn't heal your wounds, Kahlan."

She nodded, her smile fading as she looked around them. "If we hurry, we-"

"I don't understand," Richard interrupted. "Zedd, look at her, someone's healed her."

"I can see, but it wasn't me. It would have been impossible for me to get between the two of you last night."

Her hand came to his knee, grabbing his attention. "It doesn't matter who healed me."

"If there's someone out there-"

"It was you," she told him the instant his hand started for his sword. She knew he could be lost the moment his hand touched the hilt. "You healed me."

"That isn't possible, Kahlan. I don't have-"

Shaking her head, she smiled, hoping that it would, in small part, ease his mind. "The magic you feel while holding the sword isn't the only one you possess. You healed me."

"I didn't-"

"You're the only one who could. It's not a bad thing, Richard. You- You were able to use another part of your magic and without the sword. It's rare."

"Only the greatest wizards have been able to use their magic without years of training."

"It couldn't have been me, Kahlan. I don't even know how-"

"Instincts," she said softly. "Magic is a part of you, your heart already knows how to use it, it's your mind that needs to be taught. You may not like it, but it is a part of you and somewhere inside, you know how to use it." Coming to her feet, she held his gaze and held out her hand for him to take. He grabbed her hand hesitantly, but came to stand beside her, his eyes searching hers in the hopes he could see something. "Thank you," she whispered to him. "For healing these. I owe you at least that."

"You don't owe me anything."

"I do, actually. Richard, I owe you an apology."

"You haven't done anything wrong."

He was quick to respond and she knew he would be, he always was when she was needing to apologize. He never seemed to understand that she did things wrong and though she liked that he had confidence in her, she wished he would listen to her. "It's my fault you felt the sword's wrath again. If I had waited or asked Cara to go with me- If I had payed more attention, none of this would have happened. I know how you feel about the magic and I'm sorry that you have had to feel it because of me."

"It's not your fault, Kahlan. I wish that I could blame someone, anyone, but I can't. If I had more control, this wouldn't have happened. You shouldn't be sorry for something that was out of your hands." He smiled for a moment, rethinking her words. "I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, though."

"That's not all it is, Rich-"

"I know. We should get moving."

He picked up his sword hesitantly, keeping the grip light and almost to the point of letting it fall back to the ground. Once he had it at his side, he crossed his arms, finding more distance between him and the blade was the best thing he could do. The others watched him, each seeing something he couldn't and they wondered if it could be spoken aloud.

"You're a fool," Cara said, calling the attention of the group. "Instead of being afraid of something you cannot control, you should find the power and use it. You are weak to hide from it."

Richard's eyes hardened on hers, an angered pain that everyone could feel. "Not all of us can be you, Cara."

He was gone before they could speak, his hand holding Kahlan's arm to keep her by his side. She wasn't going to be out of his sight. A part of him wanted to tell her that he didn't mean it, that he wasn't usually like this, but he knew he didn't have to. She matched his pace, something he was almost sure was hard for her, considering the state she had been in the day before and after letting the thought linger in his mind, he slowed. The others would catch them soon enough, after packing up whatever was left at their camp and he dreaded the moment. He felt weak, useless and a danger, being near them only made the feelings stronger and because he knew them so well, the fact that non of them held it against him, made it harder. He wanted to be the man they all saw in him, but he couldn't grasp him.

There were so many thoughts in his mind that he thought he was going to explode and the headaches were becoming stronger, hiding it much longer would be impossible. He released her arm and dropped his to his sides, perfectly avoiding his sword. He waited for her to say something, the one thing he knew to be on her mind, but she didn't. The silence was deafening, driving him mad with each step. If he spoke, she would comfort him, even without meaning to, she would say one word and instantly he would feel better, but he was afraid of the effect his words would have on her.

She was the strongest person he had ever known, but there was only so much one could take. She was never one to shy away from pain or hide in fear, the first one into battle for others and she would do anything for him, but as his grandfather once asked him, "How far are you willing to let her go for you?" Here, he though, was the safest place to draw the line. This moment was where it all ended and he began pushing her away. It was safest this way. For her, anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

"You've been quiet," she stated quietly. She watched the trail ahead of them, her eyes searching the area as though she expected an attack. "Are you alright?"

"Fine."

"Liar."

"How do you know?" He questioned a little harder than intended. "You weren't looking in my eyes."

"I don't have to. I know you well enough to know something is wrong."

This was his first opportunity and his mind urged him on with his plan. "You don't know me very well."

"It appears you don't know yourself very well, either."

"That's not funny," he told her instantly.

She grinned, turning her head toward him. "It is, a little bit."

"No, it's not."

"Alright," she whispered, bringing her eyes back to the path ahead of them.

She didn't question him like he thought she would, making his decision even harder. Before he could stop himself, he began imagining what they could have together and it didn't take long to see being happy with her.

They lay in bed together, naked, with her chest pressed firmly against his. His fingers were entangled in her hair as they shared each other's breath, their mouths lightly touching. Her leg lifted and hooked over his, bringing herself closer with a soft sigh. It was completely dark around them, but they could see each other perfectly as though they were sitting beneath the sun. His eyes dropped to the top of her breasts and suddenly he was pulling away from her. The wounds on her chest stood out, a darker scar on her skin, telling him this wasn't what he thought it was.

"I- I don't know what happened."

Holding their single blanket to her chest, she rolled onto her back and surprisingly closed her eyes. "You're using your magic."

"I can't be," he told her as he sat forward and started to get off of the bed. "How could you be here? Spirits!"

Kahlan jumped and reached for him, catching his arms before he fell into the darkness. "Are you alright?"

"Fine."

"Richard-"

His head turned slightly, allowing him to partially view her. "I didn't mean to bring us here."

"I know," she replied softly. "But it's alright that you did."

"No, it's not. Kahlan, I didn't want this to happen."

Shifting behind him, she made herself more comfortable as she prepared to speak. "What did you want to happen?"

"I wanted to put an end to this. Thinking like this, wanting this- I'm dangerous." He was glad he couldn't see her face, the pain that he was sure crossed her eyes would have made it impossible for him to continue. "I think this is how you must feel all of the time." He paused and looked out into the darkness, finding it easier to speak to. "No matter how many times I tell you that I'm not afraid, that I know you would never hurt me, it doesn't help, does it?"

"Not with the fear, no."

"I wish I didn't have any magic. I wish that I was able to throw it away, but then-"

"You feel the connection and you know it's a part of you. It makes you feel stronger, even just for a moment." She was staring at the white sheet beneath her, missing the turn of his head. "Sometimes it's the only thing you can think of, the dangers. You can see yourself doing something you never thought you could, but in truth, it's because you never thought there was the option." Raising her eyes, she gave him a small smile, but he could tell she was trying to comfort herself instead of him. "My sister once told me that we would always be a danger to others, even without our magic. We're all dangerous in our own way, we don't need magic to make it so."

"It makes us more dangerous."

"Does it?" she questioned. "Am I more dangerous than a mad man killing villagers with his hands?" He said nothing, answering her question more painfully than she expected. "It's not the magic people should be afraid of, it's the people who wield it. I'm not afraid of you, Richard."

"You should be."

"Why? Because you'll use your magic to bring me to a place with no clothes?"

"This isn't a joke, Kahlan."

Grinning, she inched closer and with a soft sigh, she let the blanket fall between them as she closed the distance between them. She pressed her chest against his back as though it was the most natural thing for her to do, her arms circling his. "I know; I'm sorry."

He brought his hands to hers, holding them to his chest. "I'm afraid I'm going to hurt you."

"I know the feeling," she whispered, her chin coming to rest on his shoulder. "I feel the same way all of the time."

"Even now?"

Her chin was replaced by her forehead as she chuckled softly. "We're naked and in a comfortable bed. Especially now."

"You think this bed is comfortable?"

Falling back, she shifted against the sheets with a grin as she covered her chest. "Very."

He laid down beside her, giving himself a moment to feel what she spoke of, a smile coming to his lips. "You're right, it is comfortable." Turning his head, he met her eyes. "I don't know how I brought you here."

"I don't mind being here."

Turning onto his side, he reached over to her, laying his hand against her cheek as he traced her bottom lip with his thumb. "Kahlan, I-"

"It's alright," she whispered. If he spoke the words, she would find it impossible to go through with it.

She met him halfway, her lips connecting with his as their chests collided. He rolled onto her before they could form a thought, desire overwhelming his caution. She didn't stop him, but from the heat of her kiss, he wasn't sure she'd want to. Kahlan's fingers dug into his back, pulling slightly as she pushed her body up and into his. The feel of their bodies touching completely was unlike anything they had ever felt and neither wanted it to end. Her legs hooked over his, silently giving him permission for more and after another few moments, he found it impossible to deny.

He grabbed her breast, trying to give them both something else to focus on, hoping he wouldn't go too far before she had a chance to stop him. His touch was gentle, but hard, a passionate squeeze that sent her head back into the pillow with a gasp. Her hips rolled against him, an instinct she couldn't stop and after a moment, she didn't want to. She felt free in his hands and as they moved to discover her, she thought her body would fall apart in sheer pleasure. Lifting her left leg, she bent her knee, almost clutching him to her as she tilted her hips and gave him perfect access. He would have paused, giving her a chance to think, but the way their bodies rocked against each other, he could not stop himself from pushing forward.

He entered her seamlessly, smooth and fully in a single breath. Her nails tore through his skin, sliding over his shoulders with a heated moan that echoed around them. His head lifted from the crook of her neck with a pleasured growl, one that was cut short as she yanked his mouth to hers. He couldn't keep his hands still, one moment they were clutching her hips, trying to keep their pace steady and the next, her breasts, sides and shoulders were all he ever wanted. She moved with him, seeming to know his every move before he made it, making their actions weave together flawlessly until they both reached the edge.

He didn't know what to do, his mind screamed one thing, while his body demanded another and without much time to waste, he broke their kiss and dropped his head back to her neck and panted ferociously. "Kahlan- I- Can't- Hold-"

She answered him without a word. Her legs shifted, locking around him with another roll of her hips, slow at first, but rough with need. They were gone.

Richard nudged his nose against her chin, jaw and neck, unable to lift his head any higher as his body spasmed in release, emptying himself within her. "Let it go," he managed to whisper, his mind finding it difficult to think as to why her magic hadn't released with them.

Her heart was pounding so hard, she thought it was going to break through her chest and hit his face. She had imagined this moment, but the reality was so much more incredible. Her body was on fire, in a good way, tingling beneath his as she threaded her fingers through his hair. When her breath returned to her, she opened her eyes and not knowing what to expect, she felt herself growing more and more nervous. She didn't know what to do, what to say and if she did, she wasn't sure her body would let her.

He was hugging himself to her, his arms pressed firmly against her sides, while his head rested on her chest. Listening to the thump of her heart, he let it reel him back to sanity, finding the steadiness to be a comfort only found in her. Lifting his head, he inched up her body until he could lay his forehead against hers.

"Kahlan?"

"Mmm?"

"What happened to your magic?"

With a soft sigh, she frowned, realization coming to her clouded mind. "None of this is real, remember? I have no magic here."

Giving her lips another kiss, he rolled off of her and onto his back at her side. "Spirits." Covering his face with his hands, he gritted his teeth. Kahlan turned onto her side, covering herself with the blanket as she tried to keep from asking him if she had done something wrong. "Did I hurt you?"

"No."

"Are you sure?" he asked quietly, looking over her carefully. "I didn't mean to-"

"I'm fine."

Moving to his side, he pulled her closer. "Kahlan, I never meant to go this far. I know how you feel about-"

"I can't hurt you here."

"You're not you, here."

"If I had released my magic, we would be having a different conversation."

"I know," he frowned.

Lowering her eyes to his chest, she traced the Keeper's Mark for courage. "Is that what it's like?"

He knew what she was asking and why she whispered the question, making him answer without pause. "Yes."

Keeping her eyes on his chest, she shifted so that she was almost laying on her back. "A man was chosen for me once, when I was sixteen."

"What happened?"

Shaking her head, she closed her eyes for a moment. "The other Confessor's were buzzing around the palace for days, telling me what an honor it was to have been chosen before the others; how proud my mother would have been." She could feel his eyes on her, ensuring them to be closed as she continued. "We had a surge in crimes, filling the dungeons with many suitable men, but the one that had been chosen for me, he- I went into the cells for Confession and I can still remember the way he looked at me. I thought it was because he was afraid to be confessed, so I went through with it." She opened her eyes, but she didn't look at him, she couldn't. "The next day when he was brought to my bedroom, I asked him why he had been afraid. He had broken the law and had chosen Confession, but he had been so afraid." Bringing her eyes to his, she shrugged. "Do you know what he said?"

"I don't think I can imagine."

Rolling completely onto her back, she tightened her hold on the blanket above her. "He told me that it wasn't Confession he was afraid of, it was knowing that he would spend the rest of his life in my bed as my slave." Her eyes were covered by a layer of tears, ones she refused to let loose, not after experiencing what he had just given her.

"What happened?"

She laughed, in spite of herself, but the way he looked at her, made everything easier. "I told him to wait in my room until someone came for him and tell no one I had crawled out of the window." Looking away, she stared at the darkness above her. "I spent so long wondering if I had done the right thing."

"Did you?"

"Yes." It was a quick answer, faster than he expected and it brought her eyes back to his as she turned toward him. "But I don't think I was sure until now."

"I wish this had been real."

"Me too."

With a small smile, he inched forward. "We should go back now, shouldn't we?"

"Probably. They're- Zedd is probably starting to worry."

"Alright-"

"Wait," she whispered softly, pushing her hands against his chest. "One more minute?" He nodded slowly as she continued to push against him, bringing him to his back. He watched carefully as she moved over him, coming gracefully to sit above him. "Richard..." His name was panted, whispered and shouted at the same time, each emotion finding their way through her lip in a single word.

Her actions were clear, but he hesitated, knowing what the actions could lead to. She was sitting above him, naked, silently asking him to look at her. His hands came to her hips, holding her tighter than he thought, but he needed to ground himself as he lowered his eyes from hers, to her lips, neck... Chest, breasts... His mouth opened for breath and he was sure she heard him suck in air, but it was unavoidable. He knew she was beautiful, but the way he had always imagined her, after all they had done, it still fell short to the vision before him. Her hair slightly swept over her shoulders, a few strands hiding tiny pieces of her skin. She watched his face, cautiously, he knew, as she wondered what he thought.

He wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, but when he opened his mouth, the only sound to come was a whimper of need. His hands moved over her slowly, tracing a few of the scars he had never known she had and a particular scar that matched one of his own. Her skin was flawless, speckled slightly with a dance of freckles that beckoned the touch of his tongue to connect them together. She was soft, something he already knew to be true, but seeing it as his fingers glided along was even more. He needed her again, his body throbbing beneath her as his hands circled her breasts.

This was only in their minds, a fact they both knew, but he could never imagine reality feeling this way. Sitting up slowly, he wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her chest to his, kissing her slowly as they tried to close all space between them.

"You're beautiful." Kahlan let out a breath, one she was sure she had to have been holding. He held her to him as his hands roamed her back, following the curve and enveloping her shoulders to bring her closer. "I don't want to go back anymore."

Grabbing his hair, she pulled slightly and rolled her hips against him. "Neither do I." She groaned as she allowed herself to think, knowing that their bodies on the outside must be showing some kind of change. "We have to go back..."

Kissing her collarbone, he nuzzled his face in the safety of her and sighed. "We can't come back, can we?"

"Richard-"

"I didn't mean to make this harder for us."

She smiled, stroking the hair at the back of his head. "I'm not sure that you did. You've given me something I never thought I would have."

"What?" he asked without thought, but regretted it the moment the words left his lips because he was sure he knew.

"You gave me what every Confessor secretly wants, a night with a man she loves without destroying him."

"I wish I could give you more."

"I don't think there is anything left."

"A lifetime," he said in a whisper.

Connecting their lips, she slouched against him. "I wish that was possible."

They had blinked and suddenly they were walking again, closer than before. They were still in front of the others, but had seemed to slow their pace and as they looked around, they realized that they hadn't gone very far.

With a sly grin, Richard looked over at her red cheeks. "I'm glad time passes slower in our minds."

Without meeting his gaze, she returned the smile. "Me too."

Her smile faded as they continued, bringing his mind to wonder again and again if she would change her mind about wanting to go back with him. There were so many things he wanted to do with her, to her and he wished it was possible. He understood her concerns, how hard it could become to be together in one place and return to another where her touch would be dangerous. They could easily forget and she was not willing to risk his soul. The story she had shared with him, it lingered in his mind, tapping lightly and bringing a small smile to his lips. He understood her desire to be with a man who loved her freely and he couldn't help but feel proud that she had allowed him to touch, kiss and hold her.

'It wasn't real', his mind spat out after a moment, dwindling his happiness. 'She only allowed you near her because it wasn't real. You have done nothing and when you are gone, another man will tear her veil.' Anger rose within him, feeding off of the sword at his side, bringing him to a pause. Closing his eyes, he lifted his left hand and rubbed his forehead, instantly imagining her above him. The pain and anger faded slowly into the blue of her eyes, the trust. He may not have taken her maidenhood, but she had given him something far more meaningful.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine," he answered before opening his eyes.

"Your sword is glowing..."

Looking down, he frowned. "It seems I can find anger in anything."

"We all can."

Tossing a glance her way, he began walking again, hoping to keep his mind busy. "But you can control it."

"So can you," she smiled. "I just watched you do it."

"I didn't-"

"You can deny it, Seeker, but I am a witness and as such, I must-"

"This is fun for you, isn't it?"

"Maybe a little bit." She surprised him by taking his arm and leaning close, ignoring all of the thoughts, he knew to be in her head telling her not to. "You don't realize how gifted you are. The things you are capable of are limitless."

"I don't understand how you can have such faith in me."

Her laugh echoed around them before she pulled away. "I know you."

"Very well," he added in a voice that told her he was thinking of their activities.

Holding her eyes to the road ahead, she swallowed. "As well as you know me."

He knew better than to respond. Instead, he took a step closer so that his shoulder rubbed against hers. It would be enough for now, but not for long.

Kahlan had laid out her bedroll quickly, laying down almost as fast. She was beside the fire, on her stomach as she watched the flames eat the wood. She hasn't spoken for the rest of the day and the others had taken notice. Rolling her shoulders, she smiled politely and offered them an excuse, the pain of her shoulders having been the truth at one point. The night was warmer than the last and she was grateful for it, it was the only warmth she could have as sleep overtook her.

Richard laid his things out beside her, keeping a small distance in between. She seemed to be comfortable and he longed for the feeling, wishing he could pull her into his arms and share it all, but he couldn't. It wasn't because she wouldn't want him to, but because it was forbidden. Being near each other was frowned upon and the others didn't know what they had done. If he was to lay too close to her now, a part of him hoped for a repeat.

Sitting down, he crossed his legs before him and began folding a few pieces of rabbit in a cloth for her when she awoke for her watch. She was never very hungry when night came, but when her watch arrived, he'd watch her sneak a few pieces of food out of the wizard's pack. It had been weeks since he started saving food for her, leaving it next to her water skin so she would see it. He had laughed the first time she reciprocated his gesture, leaving an entire squirrel next to his bedroll while wearing a smile that covered her face as she watched from across the fire. The memory brought a return of the happiness, making him grin as he stuffed the last of his own berries into the cloth. She wouldn't eat them all, but she'd pop a few into her mouth just as her watch began.

Laying the cloth down, he moved his eyes over her, a final check to make sure she was alright before laying down himself. It was quiet around them, making it easy to close his eyes and dream of sleep, but it didn't come. His mind filled with images of her. The beauty of her beneath him, above him and the way her lips had played with his, teasing their way around until they were lost and he wanted it all again. The images were fresh in his mind, almost bringing him to reach for her hips as she sat above him. He could rediscover her again and again, but he wanted more.

Swallowing his fear, he rolled onto his side and laid an arm over her waist and brought his mouth to her ear. "Kahlan..."

"Mmm?"

"I need you."

He felt her move and started to pull away, assuming that was what she wanted, but she grabbed his arm and pulled it tighter around her, holding it between her breasts.

"I'm right here."

Coming closer, he pushed his face into her hair to breathe in her scent. "You won't always be."

Her head turned first, pulling his attention before she almost rolled onto her back. "Richard-"

"I'm sorry," he whispered quickly, ashamed to have awoken her for his silly thoughts. "Go back to sleep."

Kahlan grabbed his arm and held it firmly, refusing to let him move away from her. "I may not always be with you, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to be." Before she could stop herself, she brought her hand to his cheek, rubbing her thumb across the stubble, pushing back the memory of the way it felt against her chest. "I cannot change what I am."

"I don't want you to," he told her quickly. "Kahlan, I-"

"I know," she whispered almost breathlessly. Having him so close to her made it nearly impossible to stop her mind from straying, from wondering if it would be any different if they repeated their actions here and now. "You're warm."

"I am?"

"You are," she whispered, rolling onto her side toward him. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm not sure you want to know."

Hiding her face in the crook of his neck, she kept him from seeing her red cheeks. "I'm thinking about it, too."

"I don't think I will be able to stop."

"Me either."

"We can go back," he whispered, wrapping her in his arms. "Right now and they would never know."

"We can't."

"Why not?"

Breathing in his scent, she tried to keep from sounding disappointed. "It's not real, we can't go there when it gets hard here."

"We could always run into the trees."

She smiled, partly wishing that they could as she pulled her head back to look at him. "They'd stop us."

"Not before I kissed you," he told her quickly.

Laying her arms between them, she closed her eyes. "You still have a decision to make."

"What?"

"If you're going to the Palace of the Prophets." Returning her eyes to his, she frowned.

"I don't know, yet."

"If you left, we would have to name a new Seeker."

Richard studied her face for a moment as his mind raced. He knew she would never love another man, but the thought of her protecting another made him want to scream. "Why would-"

"Everything is different in their palace. Time moves slower. You could be there three days and weeks have passed out here. We wouldn't have the time to wait for you."

"What if I gave them my magic and left?"

"Richard," she stated quickly. "You shouldn't rush into it. After some training, you may find that you enjoy-"

"I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. If I keep this magic, who knows what will happen."

"I know," she told him. "I know who you are and what you are capable of. You do not need your magic to hurt someone. I know it's crossed your mind, but there are so many things you can do with your magic, you can help people. Everything you've ever dreamed of, you can make it happen." Lowering her eyes she continued, knowing that he wouldn't want her to see the truth of the words she was about to speak. "I know that it scares you, I understand that, but I know you well enough to know that there is nothing you cannot do." Returning her eyes to his, she frowned. "I don't know how long you can survive the headaches."

"How long have you known?"

"I can see it in your eyes, the pain. But it's not there when you are holding the sword or when we were together. It wants to be used, it needs to be free. It's burning right now, a pressure behind your eyes, isn't it?" He nodded slowly, but remained quiet, afraid to show her how weak it made him feel. "Stop holding it so tightly. You won't hurt anyone, I promise."

"I can't risk it, not when I'm so close to you."

"You won't hurt me." Lifting her head, she looked around them, surprised the wizard wasn't watching them closely. Rolling onto her back she grabbed his hand and held it to her stomach, making it appear as though they had very little contact. "Take us back there."

"Kahlan-"

"It's alright. I trust you."


	4. Chapter 4

They were back before they took a breath, laying in the same bed as before and in the same position. She wondered if he designed it all, the way they'd lay and the lack of clothes, but after his nose touched hers, she lost thought. Neither spoke as they inched closer, removing all space between them. They were naked and both moved as quickly as possible to experience the feel of the other once again. He was laying above her in seconds, their lips colliding again and again, while their hands were lost beneath the blanket. They rolled through the bed, each taking a moment of control before allowing the other to do as they pleased.

Richard paused mid kiss, his body falling onto hers as he lifted his head from her neck. "I'm sorry," he whispered almost shamefully. "I know this isn't why you wanted me to bring us here."

Her eyebrow lifted suspiciously, a smile coming to her lips. "How can you be sure? Maybe this was my plan all along."

"Oh really," he chuckled lightly, pushing himself a little harder against her. "This is your plan? Why Mother Confessor, you had me completely fooled."

Grabbing his face, she tried not to smile, failing perfectly. "It's possible, Lord Rahl."

"Mmhmm. I believe this means that you won't mind if I was to-"

"You'd better." She laughed as she flipped their positions, bringing herself to lay above him. "That's better, isn't it?"

His eyes dropped between them, holding on her breasts. "I have a wonderful view."

"I'm sure there's something better-"

"You beneath me," he whispered as he brought his eyes back to hers. "Why did you want me to bring us back here?"

"Because this is where we were the first time I didn't see the pain in your eyes."

Brushing his fingers through her hair, he smiled. "It's hard to be in pain when I'm with you."

"You shouldn't be afraid of your magic, Richard."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't. You would never hurt me."

"I can't hurt you here."

"Neither can I." Touching his cheeks, she gave him a half smile. "The fear will never go away, Richard. It's what keeps us from destroying others, keeps us from becoming what we fear we will. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you stronger. You are a good man and you will not become Darken Rahl. You will never be the cause of someone else's suffering. I know that I can't imagine how you are feeling, but I know you well enough to be sure that the magic could not have been given to anyone greater." He didn't respond, a part of her expecting his silence. "Look what you were able to create, right here. We are in a place that represents the world you wish you could have. A place where we are safe, not only from others, but ourselves as well. I know how you feel about magic, Richard and this place that you've created, that you have brought us to, it's a world that is close to what you can give us."

"What do you mean?"

"You can't rid the world of magic, but you can make it safe for us all. Darken Rahl has brought fear to everyone, not of magic alone, but you can change that. You've already started." She smiled, it was small, but he stared happily. "Have you seen the way people look at us when we enter their town? They don't think twice having Cara there and that's because of you. They trust you and through that bond, you've given them more hope. A Mord'Sith is not feared, something that has never been known to happen. The world you are so afraid you'll help create, is the very world you can protect us from."

Holding his right hand to her cheek, he smiled sadly. "I don't know how you can have so much faith in me after everything I've done."

"You would never hurt someone deliberately, Richard. The anger you experience when you hold the sword is not yours alone. I've seen you angry before and I know how you like to respond; it's one of the first things I noticed about you."

"What?"

"Whenever there had been chances for you to get angry, for it to consume you, it didn't. You held firm, you're stronger than it." Tilting her head into his touch, she tapped her fingers gently against his chest. "That's the only part of your magic that scares you and I understand, but there is so much more. Tossing it aside, though it would be easier for you, it wouldn't be the decision of the man I have come to know. He doesn't run away from anything."

"It doesn't feel like I'm running away, Kahlan. When I think about removing the magic, I feel like I'm helping others. I'm helping protect them, protect you."

"And who's to say that your magic can't help you to protect us?"

"We've seen how that's turned out."

"You'll get better," she whispered, taking hold of his hand. "You will be able to control it, Richard. You're strong enough."

"Kahlan, I have never been this scared before."

"You're not alone. We will help you through this and one day, when you're old and you're sitting by the fireplace, you'll be able to tell this story to your grandchildren. The Seeker, defeats Darken Rahl, the Keeper and the magic within." She lowered her voice as she finished, speaking the last of the words as though she was leading him into a long and eventful story.

"I think they'd be bored."

Grinning, she wiggled above him. "Maybe you should do something's worth mentioning."

Flipping their positions, he returned her smile. "The things I plan to do now should not be told to your grandchildren."

"It appears you are all talk, My Lord."

With a low growl, he pushed forward and connected their lips, ending their short game so that everything else could begin.

"It's time for your watch dear one," Zedd whispered as he shook the Mother Confessor's shoulder. "Kahlan?"

"Mh- I'm sorry." Her eyes opened as she spoke, meeting his with a small smile. "How's the perimeter?"

The wizard chuckled as he moved away. "It's been quiet all night, just the song of the owls."

Sitting up, she inched toward the fire, hoping its warmth could replace that of the man she had laid beside. "I don't suppose they have other plans."

"They'll keep you company."

"I look forward to it."

"Kahlan," he added quietly. "Have you spoken with him about the palace?"

"It's not our place to stop him."

"He has a gift."

"He does," she agreed as she came to her feet. Sitting down beside him, she looked over at the sleeping man. "He's scared and we both know how it feels to have magic. He has every right to be afraid and we shouldn't- We do not have the right to push this onto him."

"This is who he is."

"To you and I, yes, but Zedd we have had it since birth, we've grown up learning how to live with it, he's had it thrown into his lap. We can't expect it to be an easy decision for him and we cannot make it for him, not when he's done so much for us."

The wizard was quiet for a moment, watching his grandson sleep across from them. "You're right, dear one."

"But?" she questioned through a small smile, knowing the wizard had more to say on the subject.

"I'm afraid that it will tear him into pieces trying to get free. We know the strength of magic and what it will do to get what it wants. If he stops using it, holds back until he can have it removed, it may kill him."

"I know. The headaches have already started, but he'll use the magic. Maybe not the way you or I want him to, but each time he uses the sword or allows it into his mind... I don't think we can ask much more from him."

Looking at her, he nodded slowly, his bushy eyebrows stealing her attention for a moment. "He's confided in you?"

"Yes. He doesn't want to disappoint you, but he's afraid and we both know Richard. He would do anything to protect others, even if it's from himself."

"He's a lot like you," Zedd told her with a small smile. "He can be trained."

"He could." Bringing her eyes to the fire, she sighed. "I don't think another Seeker could do what he can. I don't want to lose him."

"Nor do I."

"The Spirits must have faith in him, sending him this through it all." Looking back to the older man, she smiled. "I suppose that confirms the greatness we've always seen in him."

"Truer words have never been spoken."

Standing, Kahlan wiped the dirt from her dress. "I'll take a walk around, make sure we are still alone."

"Be careful, Richard would never forgive himself if anything happened to you."

"I'll keep my distance from men with weapons."

With a light chuckle, Zedd laid back on his bedroll. "He will be pleased."

Richard kept to himself the next morning, speaking only when it was time to wake the Mother Confessor, who appeared to have just fallen asleep. He had taken the last watch and they knew the thoughts that had burrowed through his mind, making sure they were heard. He had a decision to make and as each moment passed, it became harder. If he left, it would be months or years before he saw them again, before he was able to hold her and he knew things would be different. She would return home, take a mate and begin her family, one he was excited to see, but afraid to be left out of. She was the only thing that kept him sane and he was sure he would never be able to leave her.

He watched her walk before him, the sway of her hips capturing his attention with her every step. The desire to touch her was overwhelming, making it impossible to concentrate on any other thoughts. She turned her head, locking their eyes for a brief moment as though she read his thoughts. He smiled instantly, bringing a smaller one to her lips, easing his mind. If he asked her to wait for him, could she?

"Are you alright?"

"I think so," he answered honestly, walking toward her as she waited.

When he reached her side, she grabbed his hand for a moment, a quick squeeze of reassurance, before releasing it. "You went back to that place?"

"I wanted to think, without the headache."

"Did it help?"

"I'm not sure yet." Staring ahead, he tried to find the right words, hoping for the best. "If I was to go... How long would I be gone? From you?"

"It's hard to say. Every wizard is different, Richard. Most are gone for years, ten, maybe more."

"If I left, you couldn't wait for me, could you?"

"Richard-"

"I'm sorry, I'm still trying to understand it all."

"No you're not," she told him as she came to a stop. He would follow her lead and she needed their friends to pass them. "You know what will happen if you left to train after defeating the Keeper and you know what will happen if you decide to remove the magic. Richard, I cannot wait for you no matter what you decide. We can't have that life together, I'd destroy you."

"We can have that life, Kahlan. Look at me, you have always told me that I am capable of anything and I will have-"

"What?" she questioned a little harder than she intended. "Have me? Is that what you want?" Taking a step back she motioned to herself, watching his eyes move over her. "I cannot give you that life without taking everything away from you."

"Come with me," he said softly, reaching for her hand.

Blinking through the light set of tears that covered her eye, she shook her head. "I can't. None of that is real, it meant nothing." Flowing with the wind, she turned and began walking, hoping to catch the others before he caught her.

She blinked and she was gone, once again laying in the familiar bed with the Seeker at her side. She said nothing as he stared at her, watching the tears leak from the corners of her eyes. They weren't naked like they had been before, but it didn't make it any easier. Grabbing the blanket above her, Kahlan clutched it to her chest and rolled over, facing away from him as she let out the tears freely.

"It's not wrong to want this, Kahlan. It can't be."

"Everything about us is wrong."

"Why?"

Closing her eyes, she tried to ignore the feel of his hand resting on her side. "Because I can never love you."

"Kahlan-"

"Please take us back, Richard."

Shaking his head, he came closer, trying to hold her. "I can't. Kahlan, the paper I saw in your pack, the one with the seal of Aydindril, is that what this is about?"

She turned her head to look at him, surprised by his words. "You saw it?"

"I didn't read it," he told her quietly. "I thought it must have found its way to you during the night and you'd say something if it was important."

"We have to get back, Richard. We will going through a city soon." Confusion crossed his face as he stared down at her, waiting for the moment she told him everything. "I have things I must attend to. Take us back."

Kahlan walked beside Cara, whispering something the men couldn't hear and from the Mord'Sith's reaction, Richard couldn't keep his mind still. It was rare for the women to be near each other and even more so for it to be the brunette's choice. His grandfather was silent, telling him that he knew what was on her mind, but the Seeker knew better than to ask him for answers. They would be entering a larger city in minutes and be feared what would be in stored for her.

They were stopped outside of the city, their leader proudly welcoming the Mother Confessor. King Armon was a big man, larger than Richard and his hair was almost as long, a strange sight in the Midlands. He had dark grey eyes, ones that held Kahlan's, another strange thing for them to see. His robes were long like Zedd's, but the colors were far different. He wore a light blue, like the eyes of the woman before him, lined with a dark grey that only made the blue stronger. He smiled, more than pleased to see them and after a quick introduction, they were led inside, greeted by the people as they made their way to the castle.

Kahlan turned to the blonde as they came to a stop, handing her a piece of paper before whispering something else. Forcing a smile, she turned to the men and locked eyes with the King. "How many are there?"

"Eight, Mother Confessor. After you are settled, I will arrange an escort for you to the dungeons."

Avoiding Richard's gaze, she licked her lips. "If it's alright, I would like go now."

"Yes, of course. I apologize, you must want to get started. I know how important this is."

Nodding, she straightened her back. "Yes, it is. I'll go now, the others can be shown to their room."

"Yes, Mother Confessor. These men, here, will keep you safe."

"Thank you." She left the others without looking back, hurrying away with two guards leading the way, while another two followed.

The instant she was gone, Richard turned to the others. "What's going on?" Cara reached out, shoving the paper Kahlan had given her into his hand. "What's this?"

"Read it."

"If you will, these men will bring you to your rooms. You will share the same corridor, there will be no disturbances."

Richard unfolded the paper as he followed them down the hall. She had written more than he had expected, but as his eyes moved over the letters, he understood why.

 _There's no stopping this; there never was. I'm sure you're already piecing everything together and I'm sorry you are learning about it this way, but I couldn't bring myself to tell you. It wouldn't be fair after everything we've done. The High Council of Aydindril believes it's the best way to ensure not only the survival of Confessors, but in doing this, I am helping form peace with another land. I never wanted it to happen this way; I never imagined that it would. I know that you're angry, I can feel it even now as I write this, but I knew you would try to stop me. I'm not doing this to hurt you, but by doing this you can be free of me. I wish so badly that things were different and what we did was real, but we can never have that life together. This is our future._

Crumbling the paper in his hand, he continued to mindlessly follow the others. His thoughts spun in so many directions, he thought he was going to go mad with each one. He could still feel the warmth of her breath on his lips, the caress of hers and the way her body seemed to melt into his. He was hot, nearly feeling her against him, her breasts pressed firmly to his chest as they rolled across the bed. Tonight she would be with another man and he would lay in his own bed, tormented with the thought of anyone else having her.

He felt the rage of the sword at his side, whispering thoughts he loved to hear. It told him it could all be solved by running after her. Take hold of the sword and remove the heads of every man she could possibly choose and she would be his. Closing his fists, he sucked in a slow breath, imagining the look on her face as she watched their blood drip down the metal blade. She trusted him.

His mind instantly shifted gears, thinking about how she felt and how she would feel once it was over. She wasn't the type of person who could take a man to her bed and have it mean nothing to her. It would hurt her more than she'd admit and when the time came, she would need him, her friend, to be there for her. The rage of the sword dimmed with his thoughts, the anger failing to compare to how he knew she felt.

"This is your room," Zedd said, repeating the guard's words as he gently slapped his grandson's shoulder.

Opening the door, Richard walked through the door, barely able to take in the room as he mindlessly entered. "Thank you." Turning back to the others, he looked at the wizard and frowned. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course, my boy." Zedd closed the door, knowing what it was they were going to speak of. "She told you?"

Nodding, he lifted his hand with the crumbled paper. "What happens when a Confessor takes a mate?"

"He is hers, until she no longer wants him, then she is able to take another. She must lay with him as many times as she can over two nights, then she is able to wait to see if she conceived a child."

"And if she hasn't?"

The wizard frowned, sitting down in a small chair next to the door. "Then it begins again. Most Confessor's need only try twice."

Richard was pacing the room, thinking with each step. "And if she conceives a child, what then? Zedd, she can't stay with us, it's too dangerous, but we can't let her-"

"It's for Kahlan to decide. Confessors are extraordinary creatures, Richard. She would be more than capable to keep up with us."

"I don't doubt that, Zedd. I'm afraid of what they will do her."

Coming to his feet, the older man smiled. "I suppose you will have to do your best to protect her."

"Zedd-"

"You can't stop her, Richard. It's too important for her to do. I know you love her and this is hard for you, both of you, but you have to understand that this is their way. Feelings are not involved, they can't be, not for them."

"I know, but it doesn't make it any easier. If the woman you loved was going to be spending the night in the arms of another man, how would you feel?"

"I can't imagine I would feel differently."

"Do you know what room is hers?"

"Richard-"

"I know what you're thinking, but there's something I have to do. Something she needs me to do."

He studied his grandson's face, seeing the certainty and determination in his eyes, surprising him by the lack of anger. "She's in the room at the end of the hall with the double doors."

"Thank you, Zedd."


	5. Chapter 5

He knocked but there was no response, he knew there wouldn't be. Swallowing his emotions, he pushed opened the door and took a step inside. Closing the door behind him, Richard took a look around, afraid when he didn't see her. The room was the size of three of the one he had been given and he could imagine the beauty of it in the morning, the sun shining through an entire wall of windows. The bed was in the back of the room, past the full dining table and two wardrobes, sitting next to a large and roaring fireplace. There was a man laying on the large bed, naked and fit, large and breathing heavily. He was a good looking man and from a quick glance, it was made clear he was ready for her. His eyes fell to the blanket on the floor in front of the fireplace, finding her instantly. There were two bottles of wine before her, empty and on their sides, telling him everything with a single glance. She was in her corset and skirt, showing him just how far she had tried to push herself and from the way the man on the bed look, it had only gone well for one of them.

"Kahlan?"

"You shouldn't be here," she whispered distantly, blinking out a set of tears as she stared into the flames of the fire.

"I wasn't going to let you do this alone."

Closing her eyes, she fought more tears. "You have to go."

He was lying down instantly, draping his arm over her side the way he had done so many times before. "What happened?"

"I tried," she whispered softly. He could smell the wine on her breath, but she didn't sound like she had drank as much as it appeared. "I tried."

"I know."

Her head turned, giving him a small glimpse of the cut on the corner of her bottom lip. "I have to do this."

"I know that, too," he whispered. "What do you need?"

"I need to be somebody else."

Shaking his head, he inched closer. "No, you don't. Here," he told her and he pulled gently, until she laid on her back. "Look at me. I'm right here, what do you need?"

"You."

He smiled for a moment, knowing how hard it was for her to say what she did. "You can't have me, remember?"

"Every second of the day."

He frowned, licking his lips. "Kahlan-"

"I told him to take me the way he would take the woman he loved." Her eyes left his, finding a small crack in the ceiling that she was almost surprised she could see in the darkness. "He scared me." Richard watched her face, wanting to ask her what the other man had done, but he couldn't bring himself to speak it aloud. "I think I've had too much to drink." Looking back to him, she reached up to his face, gliding the soft skin of her hand against the crisp stubble of his growing beard. "You came for me."

"I'll always come for you."

She grabbed his face and yanked him forward, bringing his lips to hers. He tasted the deep flavor of the wine, allowing it to take over as he parted his lips for her tongue. Their kiss was rougher than usual, another sign of the small crack in the woman. Pulling on his shoulders, she tried to bring him closer, needing more contact to feel the comfort he always provided her.

"Take us back there," she begged through a whisper.

"This isn't want you want-"

"Please take us away from here."

They were gone in an instant, brought back to the familiar bed that they had come to love, but again, they weren't naked. She moved out of his embrace quickly, moving to the side of the bed, her legs hanging off as she leaned forward and covered her face with her hands. He remained silent and still as he watched her cry, knowing she needed a moment to herself. She was strong, but this wasn't the kind of woman she was and the fact that she had gone as far as she did, was tribute to her strength. She was quieting down, but the way her shoulders moved, he knew she was still struggling with her tears.

He remained still, his head now resting on the palm of his hand, propped up by his elbow. When she needed him, he would be there waiting, moving too soon could be hazardous and he knew better. Her head turned slowly, just enough for her to get a glimpse of him, but not for him to see her face.

"May I lay with you?"

"Of course."

She moved slowly, hiding her face as she crawled into his arms, laying her head on his shoulder as her arm rested across his chest. He felt her tears soaking through his shirt, catching each one as she let them fall. Clinging to the blue cloth, Kahlan took in a slow and deep breath, letting his scent fill her.

"I'm sorry, Richard."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm sorry I asked this of you."

"Don't be," he told her instantly. "I'm not." It was silent for a moment, giving him a chance to think, bringing him to question things he had seen in her room. "What happened to your lip?"

"I must have bit it."

"Kahlan-"

"He had me pinned against the wall and I couldn't move. I panicked and he dropped me, I must have bit it when I fell."

He paused for a moment, his mind imagining her words. "Does it hurt?"

"No."

"If you asked him to be with you the way he would a woman he loved, why would be hold you so tightly?"

Closing her eyes, she moved her head, leaving him to assume she was shaking it. "I'm not sure he did," she whispered shamefully. "I was staring at the wall across the room, letting him do whatever it was he - I blinked and I couldn't move. I panicked. I asked him to wait on the bed and I opened another bottle of wine." Opening her eyes, she fought the instinct to look at him. "I thought it would make it easier, but even as I finished the second and begun on the third, I couldn't bring myself to get off the floor." Releasing his shirt, she pulled her hand closer to herself, preparing to push away at his response to what she said next. "For a moment, I thought if I had enough to drink, I could imagine he was you."

"I wish that you could."

Lifting her head, she met his eyes. "I don't want to do this."

"I know, Kahlan."

"It won't be like we are here."

"Nothing will be."

"This is all I know."

Nodding, he brought the fingers of his right hand to her hair. "I know."

Holding his gaze, she licked her lips, finding the courage to tell him the truth. "I'm scared."

"I know and it's alright to be. Kahlan, this shouldn't be easy for you. It's not easy for anyone. I know you think that it was for the Confessors before you, but it wasn't. They gave a part of themselves to a stranger, someone they knew didn't love them and I guarantee that none of them found that to be easy." He paused, bringing his hand to her cheek. "It's harder for you because you know how different it is to be with someone who loves you."

"It's hard because I'm in love with a man I can never have."

"You have me."

"That's not what I meant," she told him with a sigh. Rolling onto her back, she stared into the darkness above them, her eyes still wet. "I held him to me, trying to keep going, to feel something like I do when we're here and I'm with you, but-"

"He held you too tight and you couldn't move."

"I couldn't breathe, think- It took me so long to find the words to tell him to stop."

Rolling onto his side, he watched the tears leak from the corners of her eyes. "But you found them."

"And I shouldn't have," she whispered painfully. "Richard, when we go back, I have to-"

"I know."

Turning her head, she looked at his calm features. "Can we stay here for a while?"

"As long as you need, but I- Kahlan, I think I can help you."

"How?"

"I'm going to be there with you-"

"What? No-"

"Trust me."

Holding his gaze, she nodded slowly. "Alright."

The fire was still blazing, the soft crackle being drowned out by the man's voice from above them on the bed.

"Mistress? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Kahlan replied in a voice she always used with those she had Confessed. "I will be with you in a moment."

"Ask him to come down here," he whispered as she turned to face him.

"Why?"

His eyes closed for a moment as he brought his face closer to hers. "Because this is where you're comfortable."

"Alejandro, please come down here with us." The man moved without hesitation, coming to the floor eagerly. "And you will do as the Seeker commands as though it was I giving the order."

"Yes, Mistress."

Her eyes remained on the Seeker's, waiting for her heart to stop pounding. The instant his lips touched hers, she responded the only way she could. Grabbing his face, she pushed into him, letting him take the breath from her lungs. It was just as passionate as it ever was, making her believe they were alone as he moved his hands over her. He reached behind her, tilting her body as he started to remove her skirt. She already had to be with another man, he wasn't going to let him take her the way he imagined he would. Her corset was removed next, freeing her body to be viewed by the room, but Richard's lips never left hers.

His hands grazed the newly exposed skin, touching her the way he had in their minds. She thrived on his actions, proving she was lost in the moments. Moving slowly, he pushed gently against her knees, making way for the man who knelt before them. She grabbed his shirt, fighting him for an instant as their kiss broke.

"I'm right here and I'm not going to leave you."

"I can leave you, Mistress. Your feelings for him are strong."

Blinking out a heavy set of tears, she shook her head. "I cannot have this man."

"I don't understand. If you care for him, Mistress-"

Closing her eyes, she turned her head from the man at her side. "You must be the one to give me a child."

Alejandro straightened his back at her words, feeling her need and desire for the other man. "He can give you a child, Mistress."

"I would destroy him."

"There is another way."

Her eyes opened and met his, confused and curious. "I don't understand."

"Your magic does not need to be released, Mistress. If he emptied himself with you- I believe the thought has crossed your Seeker's mind. He can give you what you desire."

Richard said nothing as he watched her, waiting for the man's words to sink in. When she turned toward him, he grew hopeful. "I can't."

"He's right, Kahlan. I can give you a part of me."

"No," she whispered. "If I carried your child, you could never find happiness."

"You are my-"

"Please leave."

Nodding, the Seeker gave her another kiss. It was slow and he knew she wouldn't stop him. Swallowing the hurt he refused to show, he looked at the other man. "Don't take her like you would any other. She deserves more than that. Love her in the way you feel within her."

"Yes, Seeker."

Standing, Richard made his way to the door, being sure he didn't look back until he reached the thick wood. "And don't call her Mistress, it will make it even harder for her."

Richard laid in his bed all night, listening to the silence that came between the three rumbles of her magic. He was exhausted, but he couldn't bring himself to sleep. If there was a moment when she needed him, he wanted to be awake to feel it. He was laying above the blankets, letting the sunlight hit him as it came through the windows across from his bed. It warmed his bare chest, keeping him just comfortable enough to keep from moving to start a fire. He wondered what she was doing, though every thought made him wish it hadn't come to his mind.

He couldn't stop his mind from imagining them together and wondering if he found the things she enjoyed. After their time together, he learned more things about her. He knew that when he kissed the soft spot of her neck beneath her ear, she couldn't get enough and if he shifted at just the right moment, they would be carried off together. She liked the way he would spend a few minutes kissing down her body, pausing every few seconds to trace his tongue over the path he had just created. It was one of his favorite things, the slow rediscovery of her body as she bucked up against him in pleasure. If the man she was with now learned any of those things, she wouldn't need him anymore.

Shaking the thought from his mind, he closed his eyes and tried to feel her. The bed shook at the release of her magic, bringing his jaw to lock at the feel of its strength. Rubbing his face with both his hands, Richard tried to find something else to think of, anything except the way she looked beneath him. Sitting up, he pushed his back against the headboard of his bed and stared out of the windows, watching the flock of birds that circled each other happily. He hated them for their happiness.

"Richard?" Zedd's voice came softly from the other side of his door. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Zedd."

"They have arranged a special breakfast for us-"

"I'm not hungry. I think I'm going to stay in here for a while."

"Richard-"

"I'm fine, I promise. I just need more sleep."

"There is a guard down the hall if you change your mind. He'll tell you how to get to the dining hall."

He listened to his grandfather's footsteps, they grew lighter and when he could no longer hear them, his mind returned to thoughts of her. He could hear the soft laugh she would let out as he'd collapse on her chest, her fingers winding in his hair while he held her sides to keep her close. She'd let him lay there, long after his breath returned to him and as she stroked her fingers through his hair, he would tell her again and again how glad he was he had brought her there. He liked the way her laugh would shake his body, lifting his spirits higher.

There was a soft knock on the door, jarring him from his thoughts. He swung his legs off of the bed, thinking it was one of the guards, but the door opened as he stood up.

Kahlan leaned forward, looking inside and freezing his steps. "May I come in?"

"Of course," he managed to say, quieter than he intended.

She entered slowly, carrying a small tray of his breakfast. "I thought you had to be hungry." Remaining by the door, she looked around, taking note of everything in the room as he came and took the tray from her with a smile of thanks. "Richard...," she whispered, making him stop and turn back to her before setting down the metal in his hands.

"Yes?"

"Last night, I-"

"You don't have to say anything, Kahlan. I know you only did what you had to."

Closing the door, she turned the key, locking it softly. "No, I don't think you understand. Richard, I..." Turning back to him, she rubbed her hands down the front of her dress nervously. "I didn't take Alejandro last night."

Folding his arms, he took a step toward her. "I felt your magic, Kahlan."

"I never said I didn't release my magic. I- If I hadn't, they would have known." Staring down at the floor, she licked her lips. "Last night I asked him to help me."

"With what?"

Looking up, she met his eyes and reached for the laces of her dress. He held her gaze as her dress fell to the floor, revealing the lack of skirt and corset beneath. "Pleasing you."

His lips parted in surprise, but he fought the urge to lower his eyes. This was the second time she had been naked in front of him, but the first time he would be able to see her. She held still, now afraid that she had made a terrible mistake.

"Kahlan-"

She knelt down instantly, picking up her dress to cover herself again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come."

Coming to her side, he knelt down and grabbed her hands, holding them still. "Kahlan, I- I'm sorry, but I don't understand."

"Last night, after you left, I was ready to push through the night, but I couldn't stop thinking about what he said; what you said."

"Kahlan, you don't have to-"

"I know and I think that's part of the reason I want to."

"Kahlan-"

"Please, let me finish." He nodded and she looked away, finding a darker piece of wood on the floor to focus on. "He knew how I feel about you, he told me that I shouldn't have asked you to go, but I wouldn't listen. I didn't want to risk losing you, but he said I could... I know that it's a lot to ask and I don't want you to do anything you don't want to, but I also know that if I could have a small piece of you, I would never let her go." Bringing his hands to her face, he pushed back her hair and wiped his thumbs under her eyes. She was beginning to cry and he knew how hard it was for her to be there asking him to give her a child, but he didn't say anything. "I wouldn't force you to stay, Richard. You could go and-"

"I wouldn't leave you. I wouldn't leave even if I wasn't her father. Kahlan, I will do my best to give you a child, I want to give you that piece of me and I wish I could give you more."

Bringing her eyes back to his, she took a slow breath. "You don't have to do this."

"I know, but you're here," he teased quietly. "You're nearly naked, beautiful and if I don't take you soon, my body may explode." Pulling back his hands, he laid them in his lap, freeing hers. She didn't continue to dress herself, a delight to him as he was able to view the skin of her shoulders, between her thick strands of hair. She looked away, suddenly embarrassed with red cheeks. "What's wrong?"

"I suddenly forgot what he told me to do."

Grinning, he reached out for her once again, bringing her to his chest. "You could kiss me."

With a nervous smile, she grabbed her dress and inched back, making sure there was enough space between them to allow him to watch. She moved slowly, pulling open the front of her dress to let it fall back to the floor. He had seen her naked in their minds, but in this reality, he found himself unable to believe anyone could be so beautiful. He lifted her into his arms, her chest pressed firmly against his, taking control and making it difficult to think as he tried to bring her to his bed. He nearly fell as she grabbed his face, kissing him just as his knees hit the side of the bed.

She laughed as they flopped against the blankets, his body falling against hers. He loved the sound, but didn't wait for it to stop. His mouth found her neck instantly, covering the spot that sent a moan from deep within her. She held his hand to her breast, pushing up against him as she tried to quiet herself. Reconnecting their lips, he slowly began lowering his hand, inching closer to a place no one else had ever touched. She gasped, her head pushing back into the bed in surprise and pleasure, his fingers gently stroking her. He continued on, working off of the sounds she released, finding himself climbing higher as his name left her lips.

Kahlan reached between them and grabbed his hand, stopping his actions roughly. His head jerked upward, afraid he had hurt her. She was panting, her eyes squeezed shut until she heard his breath stop. The darkness of her magic covered the ocean blue, telling him why she was afraid. Nudging his nose against her chin, he pulled back his hand, slowly dragging it up her stomach.

"Can you hold back a few more minutes?"

"I don't know," she told him breathlessly. "I..." Closing her eyes she tried to calm her breathing, getting a better hold on her magic.

She felt him unlace his pants, freeing himself with a soft moan. Without hesitation, she reached down and pushed his hand back, grabbing him with her own. She tugged gently, focusing on the sounds he muffled into her shoulder. It was easy for her to do, to work off his reaction, but to her surprise, it didn't take him very long to stop her. Lifting his head, he looked at her, partly expecting her to change her mind, but she didn't. With a slow nod, she moved her hands over his back, stopping at his shoulders as he positioned himself above her.

She knew what to expect, but he warned her anyway. "It will hurt you."

"It's alright," she whispered, a part of her afraid of what was to come.

He moved slowly, easing onward with every ounce of strength he had. She bit down on her lip as he pushed forward, stopping the slight whimper she felt within. He rolled his hips slowly, easing her pain with each moment until she raised her own and urged him on. Everything blurred together, their actions blending until neither could see the end until it fell upon them. He tried to hold back, hoping to give her more pleasure before it ended.

When his name began to leave her lips on repeat, a warning in her tone, he knew it had to end. Grabbing her sides, he pushed his face into the crook of her neck. She responded instantly, moving her hips faster while dragging her nails down the sides of his arms. Wrapping her legs around him, she yanked him to her, gasping his name in a way that was almost too much, shoving him head first into oblivion.


	6. Chapter 6

They had nearly perfected their time together, his seed filling her before she lost control. The morning had come and gone and they had yet to leave his bed. The blankets were slightly torn and thrown around them, their bodies never separating, even as they gathered their breaths. Kahlan couldn't hide her grin between kisses, the thought of what they had done making it impossible to fade. Richard spent most of his time exploring her body, finding every spot that sent any and every sensation through her veins. His new favorite was kissing the small scar on her left hip, a spot he found to make her laugh until his tongue took over.

Kissing back up her body, he hovered above her, meeting her eyes with a smile. "Someone's going to hear you."

"Not if you stop touching the-"

"I can't. I like your laugh."

Bringing her hands to his face, she smiled. "I love you, Richard."

He kissed her again, slowly. "I love you, too."

A knock came to the door, making the couple freeze. "Richard? You've missed lunch, are you alright?"

"Fine, Zedd. I was sleeping."

"I know how you must feel-"

Richard's head fell to the crook of her neck with a soft sigh. "Have you seen Kahlan?" He was smiling against her skin, hoping he could fool the older man.

"No. She sent her mate to gather some food, we were told she was not to be disturbed until nightfall when he would return to her chambers."

Lifting his head, he met her eyes, grateful that she had thought their situation through more than he had. "I'll see you tomorrow, Zedd."

"Richard-"

"I don't think I can survive out there, not now."

It was quiet for a moment, the wizard taking in his grandson's words. "We will head out just after breakfast tomorrow."

They listened as he walked away, making sure they were alone before speaking again. "You're coming with us, Kahlan."

"I know," she whispered. "You wouldn't have it any other way."

"I can't lose you."

Her fingers pushed into his hair, stroking it slowly. "I know. Richard, I- If we do create a child, there will come a time when I will need to go back."

"When?"

She chuckled, shaking her head. "I don't know, but when it does, Richard, the High Council is going to expect her to be his."

"I know," he told her through a whisper. "I also know there will be conciquinces for what we've done."

"I'll protect you, Lord Rahl."

He grinned, beaming as he brought his face closer to hers. "I would expect nothing less, Mother Confessor."

Pushing her hips up against his, she snaked her hands over his back, raising an eyebrow as she teased him. She paused and dropped her hands, her mind quickly coming to a place that made her uncomfortable. "If we do- If you give me a child, I don't want you to feel like you're trapped with me."

"I know."

"I'm not sure that you do," she replied quietly, "Richard, I know you, remember? I know the kind of man you are and if I carry your child, you wouldn't leave me to care for her myself, but I- When the time comes and you want something else, something more, I need you to know that you can leave. You are not bound to me and when you leave, you will not lose your daughter. She will be just as much yours as she-"

"Kahlan, I know."

Touching his face, she smiled. "Where were we?"

Zedd entered the room without knocking, dropping the key to the floor at the sight before him. Closing the door quietly, he moved toward his grandson's bed for a better look. The couple was naked, obvious to his eyes. Kahlan laid in Richard's arms, her head on his left shoulder, her arm draped over his bare chest. They were barely covered by one of his blankets, the soft orange fabric laying over their legs, just high enough to keep them modest. His first thought was to wake them and tell them how upset he was, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. They were smiling, something he hadn't seen on their faces in many days and with the knowledge that her magic hadn't been released, he acted accordingly. Taking one of the spare blankets out of the wardrobe, he unfolded it and laid it over them, doing his best to keep from waking them.

Richard's eyes opened to the movement, but he remained still, not wanting to wake the woman next to him. His head turned toward the older man, Richard quickly making sure she was covered. "Zedd, we can explain."

"I'm sure you can, but it doesn't change what you've done." Kahlan didn't move as he spoke, her body exhausted from a story they could never tell. "Richard how could you do this? You know how dangerous it is."

"I do, but we both know I don't fear her. Zedd, she didn't confess me and I wouldn't trade what we've done for anything."

The wizard studied the woman's face for a moment, seeing more now than he had when he entered. "How close did she come to letting go?"

"It wasn't her fault," Richard said immediately. "I lost control and couldn't- I didn't want to let go without her." Bringing his eyes to her as best he could, he smiled. "She would do anything to protect me."

"That's not what I asked."

Locking his jaw, he wondered if he should tell him, if he could tell him how far they had come. No. If his grandfather knew what they had done and that she came so close to releasing her magic that her fingertips tingled against his skin, there would be no end to his anger. "She didn't come close enough. If she had, I would be hers. I would belong to the woman I love and there would be no end to my happiness."

"Richard-"

"There's nothing you could say that would change my mind. I want to be hers more than anything, more than I've ever wanted to be with anyone. I know that it's dangerous and I know that you are trying to protect me, but when it comes to Kahlan, there is no need. Zedd, I love her."

"I know that you do. I have seen it from the beginning, but you do not understand what you two have done. Richard, she was sent here to take a mate and the High Council will expect nothing less."

"She has taken me. She's done what they asked and I-"

"It's not that simple, Richard. You have taken the maidenhood of the Mother Confessor, a Rahl. They will not sit by and allow you two to be as you wish."

"Why not? Zedd what difference does it make, to them, who fathers the child?"

"You are not a stranger they do not know. You're a hero and if there is ever a time when they need one, if you are Confessed-"

"Kahlan wouldn't confess me, even if I asked her to. They should know that. Zedd they shouldn't have the right to keep us a part, we aren't doing anything wrong."

"You're changing the way things have been done for generations. You cannot expect them to be comfortable with such a change, so quickly."

"It hasn't been quick," Richard mumbled. "It's been slow and agonizing having to pretend and push down the way we feel. I don't want to hide from us anymore and if she carries my child, we won't have to."

"If you give her this child, what happens when she must conceive another? The two of you can do this dance as many times as you wish, but there is no guarantee a child will come of it. How will you feel when she must take another man? Richard, it is a dangerous game you are playing, one she cannot afford to play now that she is the last Confessor. She must conceive a child and there will be no force in existence that can hold her to you."

Richard sighed, his head shaking as he began to pity his grandfather for failing to understand. "It is not her body I am bound to. If I cannot give her a child, that doesn't mean I must leave her. The world deserves her child and when she is born, all will be the better for it, no matter who the father is. I will not leave her, even as she takes another man to her bed. It will be then that she needs me even more and not only because of how we feel, but because we are friends."

Zedd stared at his grandson, a smile forming on his lips as he nodded. "It is a rare bond the two of you have created. I pray the Spirits will be kind."

"They already have been."

Making his way back to the door, he motioned to the white dress on the floor. "Make sure she isn't seen leaving your room, the rest of the castle mustn't know what has happened."

"We'll be careful."

With a chuckle, the older man turned around just in time to see his grandson snuggle closer to the woman in his arms, both accomplishing a closeness one could only dream of. "Richard," he said softly, bringing his eyes to the other. "You two missed dinner, make sure you two don't forget to eat."

"Thank you, Zedd."

"I'll have something sent to you in a few hours. That should give you enough time to rest."

The city was still asleep as they started out, leaving before the sun made an appearance. Kahlan was quiet, her body still tired from the night before and though she walked right beside the others, she never felt farther away. Richard was on her right, his arm brushing against hers with every step, quietly reminding her he was there. Her mind was filled with so many things, he didn't think speaking would be the best action. Tossing a smile in her direction, took her hand, squeezing it gently for a brief moment.

She returned the smile fully, stopping him from pulling his hand away. "If I feel anything, I will tell you," she whispered, answering his unspoken question.

"I look forward to it."

Her smile fell as she brought her eyes to his. "I keep wondering what my mother would say."

"I'm sure she would be proud of you," he told her truthfully. "Dennee would be, too."

The smile was back, slowly returning to her lips. "Thank you."

"Do you want to know what I've been thinking?" he asked with a soft laugh.

"How hard it will be to feed a child with Zedd's appetite?"

The couple turned their heads toward the wizard, who as usual, was pulling a snack out of his pack. Laughing, they pulled their eyes away, stopping the beginning of a series of questions the older man would ask.

"I don't think that's what we have to worry about. If she has his appetite, we may starve." Watching the ground, he tried to find the right words to speak what spun rapidly in his mind. "I can't bring myself to stop wondering how the Rahl magic will connect with hers."

"It's crossed my mind as well," she admitted more cheerfully than he imagined she would. When his confused eyes found hers, she grinned. "I don't think it's anything to worry about, Richard."

"I don't want her to feel the way I do."

The smile left the Mother Confessor's face at once, her eyes finding the road ahead of them, grateful the sun was beginning to light the way. "She would feel the same way, without your magic. She would be just as much of a danger to others as a Confessor as she would be with your magic as well."

"I don't think she-"

Looking back to him, she squeezed his hand. "Confessor's are dangerous, Richard. If I carry your child, there is a very high chance that it will be she who confesses you when she is beginning to learn how to control it."

"No, she would never hurt me." He smiled widely, his eyes on the road. "I can see it, she's running down the halls taunting me because I can't catch her... That's my plan, you see," he added with a laugh. "I will wait until she least expect it and swoop in, winning the game!"

"I don't know how you can see things with such positivity."

"It's a gift," he told her through a whisper, a secret he didn't want the others to hear.

"One of many."

"Mother Confessor, you have only scratched the surface."

She laughed, releasing his hand. "Have you made a decision yet?"

"Several," he answered, perfectly avoiding the question.

She sighed, knowing it would be difficult to get him to talk about the magic. "Richard-"

"It's not an easy decision. I know that you think that it should be, but it's not. Every time my mind enters the subject, it-"

"Runs away scared?"

"No. Kahlan, I never thought I would hurt people and now I can't seem to stop."

"You aren't hurting people, Richard."

"Not right now."

"You can be trained."

He stopped walking, his hand finding the hilt of his sword as it turned red. "Is that what you want?!" The others froze instantly, turning around to the couple as he stepped closer to the brunette. "Do you want me to leave?! You have what you wanted so I'm useless to you now, is that it?!"

Kahlan held her ground, letting the heat of his anger rush over her as their eyes remained locked. "Would it matter what I wanted?" Her voice was almost as hard as his, but it was quiet, meant for his ears alone. "You didn't do anything you didn't want to and had that been all I wanted, we both know that the moment I could have, I would have left you lying naked in your bed."

"Maybe you should have, but I don't think you could find another so willing to lay with a monster."

Her fist slammed into his jaw, knocking him back a step before he returned the action, sending her to the ground. She returned to her feet, wiping her mouth with the back of her right hand, removing the blood.

Removing the space between them once again, Kahlan blinked back her tears. Bringing her face an inch from his, she licked her lips. "You were right, but it wasn't your fist that hurt me." Her mind begged her to say more and to punch him again, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Sucking in a slow and deep breath, she turned and began walking, trying not to meet the eyes of the two friends who stared in disbelief.

"How dare you walk away from me!" he shouted after her, his hand tightening on the hilt of his sword. "After everything I've given you!"

"Richard-"

"Quiet, old man!" he shouted, his eyes never leaving the white dress of the woman a few feet away from him. "You owe me!"

"I owe you?!" she shouted, turning on her heels to face him. "And what is it you expect me to give you in return? Please enlighten the monster on what it is she can give you, because after all of your hard work, it is the least she can do!" Taking a few steps toward him, she closed her fists. "Lord Rahl, please, how may I repay you?"

"Yes, Lord Rahl, how may she repay you?" The group turned toward the voice, none of them knowing the man who stood before them. "You shouldn't leave the Mother Confessor in suspense, it isn't polite."

"Who are you?" Richard growled, pulling his sword.

He barely heard Kahlan's words as they were surrounded, the enemy circling. The sword burned hot in his hands, making it difficult to hold on as the battle begun. His world went black.

Richard jumped forward with a cry of pain, his eyes searching the area. He was inside the castle, laying on the floor while people hurried around him. His grandfather was kneeling a few feet away, healing one of the guards who must have come to their aid, but he couldn't be sure. His eyes fell to the blanket beside him, panic filling him as he realized who it was. Pulling back the light green blanket, he searched over her body, seeing more than one wound that was packed with herbs. Laying down, he brought himself closer to her, hoping to, at least, keep her warm.

She released a soft whimper of pain as her eyes opened against the sudden light of the sun and candles that filled the large room. Turning her head, Kahlan whispered his name and was instantly rewarded with his eyes on hers. Without hesitation, he grabbed her face, holding it to him as he connected their lips, pulling her bottom lip into his mouth, sucking away the blood left from his fist. She put up no fight to stop him, instead, she turned onto her side, pushing herself into him with a soft moan.

"Has the Mother Confess-" King Armon froze as his eyes landed on the couple. "She has a relationship with the Seeker?"

Zedd stood and came closer, looking down at the couple. "They're young, who knows what goes on in their minds."

The couple pulled apart, Kahlan bringing her fingers to her, now healed, lip. "Thank you."

He didn't seem to hear her as he pushed her back, looking over where the other wounds had been. "I think I healed them."

"Thank you," she repeated, tearing her eyes from his face. "King Armon, I-" Sitting forward, she rubbed her hands over her dress, trying to make herself look presentable. "Thank you for sending your men when you did."

Still confused, the King nodded. "Of course, I only wish I had sent them sooner. I'm sorry, Mother Confessor, but did the Seeker- He has magic?"

"He does."

"And he healed you when he kissed you?"

Coming to her feet, she straightened her back. "He's still learning."

"I'm glad he was able to heal you."

"Me too." Bringing her attention to the rest of the room, she frowned. "How many?"

"We lost six, there were more men than we initially thought. Your Mord'Sith went on to search for the others, I sent a few of my guards with her, though I couldn't spare many."

"I'm sure she will be alright, thank you for your help."

"It is the least I could do, after everything you have done for us."

"Thank you."

King Armon sighed, "The Keeper seems to be growing stronger."

"Once your men have been taken care of, we'll set out once again, we'll stop him."

With a wide smile, the king nodded. "We have no doubt."

"Kahlan, please talk to me."

They were walking down the same path as before, but everything was different. Kahlan walked a head of them all, quick and smooth, her feet desperately trying to take her as far away as possible. She hadn't spoken since they were with the king and Richard was beginning to lose control. It had been his fault they were surprised by the enemy and so many injured, but if he was being honest, he didn't care about that at all. He could still see the look on her face and in her eyes when he called her a monster, when he had lost himself and hit her.

"Kahlan, I- I know that I can never apologize enough for what I've done, but-"

"Maybe you should give her some time," Zedd advised. "It wasn't a simple argument, Richard. It can't be easy to push it aside."

"I didn't mean any of it."

"The anger came from somewhere. You meant every word."

"No-"

"We all saw," Cara interrupted. "It would have been less painful had you cut out her eyes."

"I don't know what came over me. I would never hurt her."

"You already have."

Giving the blonde a hard stare, the Seeker quickened his pace, hoping to catch the other woman. "Kahlan, let me explain."

"There is nothing to explain," she replied distantly. Her eyes were on the road, searching the area with each step, but the voice she used was the same as the night before when he had come to her room.

"I had no right to act the way that I did and I-"

"You're right," she told him instantly. "You had no right." Coming to a stop, she pushed her hands against his shoulders and then stepped forward to keep her words between them. "How dare you- I know that this is hard for you, but you had no right to say what you did. You came to me, suggested that we- I owe you nothing."

"I know," he whispered in apology. "Kah-"

"Please, stop." Shrugging her shoulders, the Mother Confessor sighed. "I have nothing left. I don't know what it is you expect from me."

"I don't expect anything."

"And before?" she questioned near tears. "What was it you expected me to give you in return for the favor of laying with me?"

"I didn't mean-"

"Yes, you did. Magic does not make things up, Richard. You meant every word you spat and I don't know what's worse, you believing it was all made up or the way you hide it from yourself. You're upset and no matter how hard I think on it, I can't find what I did to make you so angry with me."

Richard swallowed, preparing to speak the words he had wanted to for days. "I'm angry that you would take any other man to your bed. I'm angry that you would agree to something so important and then fail to have the nerve to tell me. I'm angry that it was Cara who gave me the letter you wrote explaining it to me. I am angry that when I entered your bedroom, you had gone as far as you had and I am - I am infuriated with every choice you have made since the letter from your council found its way to your hands. After everything you and I have done, the way we are in our own place and I am angry that any man can have you except for me."

She stood before him, a breath away and shaking. "I'm sorry and I know that it's not enough, not for that, but it's all I can give you. I understand that I hurt you, but we both know that was not what I intended. Richard, I thought that it would make it easier and yes, I was wrong, but I wanted to keep you from feeling this way. You purposely hurt me and don't say it wasn't you, because I know that it was."

"Kahlan-"

"You called me a monster. You have spent more time trying to convince me that you're not afraid of my magic and then you- Do you have any idea how that feels? Everyday I'm terrified that I won't be able to keep myself from destroying you and just when I think I can't go on, you- You always seemed to make me forget what I am, even if it was for a few moments and then in a single sentence, you made me feel- It doesn't even matter, does it?" she asked through a whisper.

"It matters to me. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Why did you?"

His eyes closed for a moment, the memory returning to his mind. Rubbing his face with his hands, he took a step back. "I don't know. Kahlan, I couldn't think, then I was shouting and then I saw it and it was too late."

His eyes opened and met hers, seeing everything once again. "What?"

"The same pain I felt." Releasing a heavy sigh, he tilted his head, the way he did when he confided in her. "And what makes it worse is- Kahlan, for a moment, I didn't believe it was wrong to make you feel that way."

Letting her tears fall, she fisted her hands, trying to distract herself and keep from reaching out for him. His words made perfect sense to her even though she could see his own confusion with them as he spoke. Richard was many things, but he wasn't the type of man who would spit words of painful magnitude for no reason at all and she knew what he spoke of very well. She felt his pain, knew it intimately and could more than see his desire for her to understand just how much she had hurt him. They were past apologies and beyond words, but they were all she had. Holding his gaze, she pushed the memory of his words from her mind and nodded. "Maybe it wasn't."

"Kahlan, I-"

"We both knew this was going to happen one day. We know what we are and how we feel. There's nothing we can say to make what we did right." Moving back, she looked over to their friends, who were watching the couple intently, seeming to have heard nearly every word. "We should get moving before it's too dark to see."


	7. Chapter 7

Things went back to normal quickly, the only thing that changed was the time the couple spent together. The days were spent talking with the group, a rare moment when one asked the other a direct question. When night came, they no longer slept near each other, a surprisingly easy task for them to master. He was just as protective of her though, an instinct no one could remove. The question that lingered on everyone's mind was never spoken and the only woman who knew the answer never said anything.

The night the rifts were sealed, she left while the others slept. Disappearing into the night without a sound, Kahlan begun her new journey, finding her way home, alone. Richard would be heading to the Palace of the Prophets in the morning to learn how to use his magic and she didn't want to be there when they headed out. A part of her wanted to tell him goodbye, but she wasn't sure she could handle it. Leaving in the silence of the night was the only option she could find that would end without her falling apart.

"He said you'd leave before daylight."

Kahlan stopped and turned back, meeting the eyes of her friend. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't. I've been waiting for you to get up. I'm supposed to go with you."

"What?- No. Cara, you can't go with me, Richard needs you with him."

Rolling her eyes, the blonde walked past her. "I'm not going back and if you don't hurry, I'm going to drag your body to Aydindril."

"There is no need for you to come, Cara," Kahlan said as she came to walk at her side. "He doesn't need you to protect me. I'm not pregnant."

"Good, we'll move faster."

They walked in silence for most of the day, neither knowing what to say. Cara knew the secret the Mother Confessor had been holding and as she had been asked, kept it a secret. The brunette held the pace, quicker than her friend imagined, but with the thoughts on her mind, it didn't surprise her.

"He'd be laying on top of you if you knew."

"No, he wouldn't." Meeting her eyes, Kahlan frowned. "If he knew why I chose to take a mate when I did, he would never forgive me."

Tossing a freshly skinned rabbit to her friend, the blonde sighed. "You wanted him to stop you."

"I wanted him to face his anger. I thought that it would be the perfect way to show him that he could control it. Cara," she added through a whisper. "I thought that he would want to stop me, that he would try, but he didn't. When he came to me, it wasn't for any of the reasons I thought."

"What happened?"

"He laid beside me, telling another man to kneel between my legs while he kissed me." The expression on her friend's face was one of surprise, making more difficult to continue. "He was willing to lay at my side while someone else tried to give me a child." Lowering her eyes to the dirt on the ground, Kahlan licked her lips. "I've replayed it in my mind again and again. If I had gone through with it, would it have made a difference?"

"Yes," the other woman replied quickly. "He would have removed the man's head before he finished within you."

"Cara, he removed my clothes for another man."

"Then you are the fool for failing to please him."

"You're right," she whispered.

The wizard sat across from his grandson, who avoided the bowl of soup before him as he spoke. Richard questioned him every morning and though it had only been a few days, he knew time was different for them. He expected to hear some kind of news, to learn that she had arrived safely and given birth or taken another mate. The instructions he had given the Mord'Sith were clear, but she didn't send word.

"It's been months for her, Zedd. They should have arrived by now."

"She will not be taking it easy, Richard. As Mother Confessor, things are going to be expected of her. She must attend to the needs of the people." The older man sighed. "You could have gone with her."

"No, I couldn't. Zedd, I- I made a mistake and it wasn't the one I thought I had."

"I don't understand."

Pushing the bowl from his reach, the Seeker leaned back in his chair, letting the wood mark his bare back. "I've thought about what happened so many times." Reaching down, he pulled out a piece of paper, one that from the looks of it, had been unfolded and folded time and time again. "If I had paid more attention, if I had thought for a moment I would have seen, I would have been able to understand what she wanted. I thought she needed me to go through with it, but she didn't." Laying the paper on the table, he motioned for his grandfather to take it. "She cried while she wrote that. Do you see the small smudges from her tears? I didn't notice for weeks."

"How many times have you read this?"

"I've lost count. What was the first thought you had when you finished?"

"She didn't want to take a mate."

"The thought didn't occur to me until I found her on the floor in her room." Their eyes met, one in shock and the other in pain. "I failed her in the moment she really need me."

Shaking his head, the wizard leaned forward. "You didn't know."

"I should have. Zedd, she tried to tell me. She did tell me, but I didn't hear her. You've known me my whole life, you know the women I have been with... Kahlan's the first one I have ever loved and when she needed me, I failed."

"She told you?" the wizard asked.

Nodding, Richard took the paper and ran his eyes over the elegant handwriting. "When I went to her room that night. I can remember every word and I can't understand why I didn't hear it that night."

"What did she say?"

"She apologized at first," he said through a whisper. "She said she didn't want to do it. She said she was scared." Looking back to his friend, he blinked. "How could I have not truly heard that? Zedd, she needed me to protect her and I pushed her into his arms."

"You were trying to do what you thought was right. You knew how important it was she take a man and continue the line of Confessors."

"When she told me she was scared... I told her that it was alright to be. She- Zedd she reached out in the only way she could and I missed it." Tracing his fingers along the side of the page, he swallowed. "Those things I said to her in the forest, how could I have thought them? After everything, after she pushed through and came to me, how could I have twisted the knife in her heart?"

"Anger can make people do things they regret."

"I've never thought those things before. None of them."

"They came from somewhere, Richard."

Nodding, the Seeker fisted his free hand. "I know, but it wasn't from me."

"I don't understand."

"Do you think that two people can be connected? Not just physically, but more than that."

"I suppose."

Folding the letter, he let it disappear beneath the tabletop, his eyes finding the other man's. "I could feel her emotions, the hurt- I don't know how to explain, but I think I pulled the words from her mind."

"It could be possible."

Crossing his arms, he sighed. "If it is, Zedd, that would mean that she thought it was all her fault. She thought she had done something wrong."

Zedd's frown deepened, his eyes falling to his own food. "She took someone other than the man she had claimed to. I can't imagine it would be easy for her to take anyone, especially you. She put you in danger, the thoughts may have been her trying to make sense of it."

"I shouldn't have let us stop in that man's kingdom. I shouldn't have lost her, Zedd."

"If you had avoided it, what do you think would have happened?"

Richard smiled, the first time in weeks, a pleasant sight to his grandfather. "We'd be in Aydindril and I'd be beside her."

"Richard-"

"I know that you don't think we would stay together, but we would. Zedd, if I hadn't been so blind, we'd die together."

The older man smiled a small smile, nodding his head. "That's not what I was going to say. I was going to ask you why you can't go to her?"

"It's been a short time for us, but she's had longer to... She's been able to relive my betrayal far longer. I can't imagine she would want to see me."

"And if you're wrong?"

"Am I?"

"Who's to say? There is no certainty in this world, Richard. You know this as well as I, maybe even better. You can reach out to her, there's no harm-"

"And if I hurt her again? Maybe she's happy now. With child, a mother... If I sent word, I could bring all of the pain back to her doorstep."

"Are you sure?" the wizard questioned softly. Standing, Zedd wiped his hands on the side of his robes, mimicking the very action he used to tease the Mother Confessor for doing after a meal. "Maybe now is when she needs her friend."

"It would be easier if she told me."

"Can you be sure that she hasn't?" Zedd asked just before leaving the room.

Richard sat still for another hour, clenching the letter she had written in his left hand, while his right tapped against the table. Before she had left, she mentioned, to Zedd, being excited to return home, saying that it was a comfort she had only been able to find once or twice. He hadn't paid attention to the beginning of the conversation, but he now wished that he had. Her voice echoed in his head, the laugh she had let free only a handful of times danced around his ears, taunting him with the thought of never hearing them again.

"I'm scared," she whispered as his mind returned to the night he found her laying on the floor in tears.

He looked across the table, as though she was sitting before him and for a moment, he swore that she was. "You don't have to be afraid," he told her quietly. "I'm not going to leave you."

"You already have."

Slamming his hand against the table, he stood up, cursing the spirits for allowing him to have lost her.

Richard watched her for a few moments, the room was dark, except for the soft glow of the moonlight shining through the window. She rolled onto her stomach and grew still for a moment, only to then sigh and turn to her side. Her eyes were open, staring out in his direction, but she couldn't see him. With another roll, she was on her back and whispering something he couldn't hear. He assumed it was a prayer to the spirits, asking them to let her mind free of thought, but from the expression on her face, he wasn't sure.

She looked sick, pale, but not from the moonlight. Her body shook slightly, a cold the few blankets above her couldn't protect her from and a light spray of sweat laid on her skin, making him worry.

Minutes passed as he remained still, watching her carefully until sleep, at last, took her. Moving quietly, he came to her bed and carefully crawled to her side. It was larger than he realized, making him take a small journey to get to her side. He reached out slowly, laying his hand against her forehead as though it would tell him what was wrong, but found nothing. She turned to her side, too quickly for him to have formed a thought, but she didn't open her eyes.

It was almost as it had been before, when she would sense his presence and move into his embrace, but he didn't want to hope for too much. Her right arm found its way around his, bringing her to snuggle closer. He inhaled her scent slowly, savoring the sweet smell of lavender and honey, he had almost forgotten how much he loved the way she smelled. Pushing past his fear of doing something she wouldn't want, he wrapped his arms around her and brought her impossibly close. Her head moved as her nose hit the hollow of his throat, making his heart stop.

Moving back, she opened her eyes and found his, her hand instantly coming to the heavy stubble on his cheek. "Richard?"

"Hi," he whispered. He wanted to kick himself for saying something so simple, something that meant nothing when he wanted to apologize more than anything.

Before he could find another word, she lunged forward and connected their lips, pushing herself back against him until she could come no closer. Their kiss was hard and rough, a passionate fury that settled over them as they forgot to breathe. He would have never stopped if he hadn't tasted something too familiar on her lips. Breaking their kiss, he inched back, trying to out some distance between them as his eyes and thumb came to her hers. She was crying and he was terrified that he had done the wrong thing. Without thought, he wiped his thumb beneath her right eye, removing the tears that lingered.

"You don't have to be afraid," he whispered.

"What?" Her voice was just as quiet as his and he couldn't help the way he seemed to melt into the bed at the sound.

"That's what I should have told you before. I should have told you that you didn't have to be afraid because I was there; because I wasn't going to leave you. I should have done everything differently." Staring into his eyes, she pulled her lips back, tasting him on them for a moment. "I should have told you that I would kill any man who could lay with you because that's how I felt, how I feel. I should have demanded that you take me and then never let you go. I- I should have known that it wasn't just the man you needed, it was your friend."

"Richard-"

"I never wanted to hurt you. Kahlan, you're not a monster and I have never been more ashamed of anything as I am for saying everything that I did that morning."

"It's alright, Richard. I'm not angry with you."

"You aren't?"

She smiled, surprising him. "No. I haven't been mad at you for months."

"Why not?"

"Because I realized it wasn't your fault, it was mine."

"How-"

"I'm not sure," she admitted shamefully. "But you said the very thoughts in my mind. How can I be upset with you for saying something I always feel?"

"You aren't a monster, Kahlan. There are some walking around us, but you are not one of them." Bringing his hand to her forehead once again, he leaned forward in concern. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, tired. I can't remember the last time I slept. How did you- We're not in my bedroom, are we?"

"No."

"Your magic has grown. We're miles apart."

"Not right now."

"How long?"

"I don't know," he answered softly.

With a small smile, she moved forward, going back to the position she always found herself in when she was with him. Closing her eyes, she pushed her face into his chest and took a deep breath. "I've missed you."

His arms tightened around her, relieved by her words and her embrace. "I've missed you too."

"Can you stay until I fall sleep?"

"I'd love to."

"You're smiling."

"I am?" Kahlan asked as she lifted her eyes from the paper before her. She had been sitting at her desk all morning, lost in thought, but she had yet to get past the first scroll.

"It's disturbing," Cara muttered.

Watching her friend approach, the Mother Confessor held back a laugh. "You should try smiling, it's not as hard as it looks."

"If you do it, I would think nothing less." With a quiet chuckle, the brunette looked down to the paper in her hands and for the umpteenth time and tried to read the first line. "You still look terrible."

"I must look much better than I feel."

"The healer will-"

Meeting her friend's eyes, she shook her head. "We've talked about this. I'll be fine, I'm just not used to being back here."

"Any more blood?"

"Not as much as before. I think I should have passed on those berries from the council."

"Kahlan," Cara said softly, like using her name was forbidden. "If you fall over dead-"

"You'll take my place and rule?"

"I wouldn't need to wait for you to die."

Grinning, Kahlan leaned back in her chair, her hands coming to rest in her lap. "You've probably already started your army."

"Months ago. I thought you would put up more of a fight."

"I don't want to fight anymore."

"Good. You couldn't beat me anyway."

They held each other's eyes for a moment, both waiting for their friend to say something. "I'm fine, Cara."

Turning on her heels, the blonde shrugged. "When you die, I'm taking your army, too."

"Cara," She turned back at the door, a faint smile on her lips. "Thank you."

The eye roll was expected, but it was more satisfying than she thought. The Mord'Sith left quickly, closing the door behind her and leaving her friend alone with her thoughts.

"Kahlan?" She jumped, her body jerking toward the sound of his voice before doubling over in pain. He was by her side in an instant, helping her up carefully. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she whispered, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Liar."

She smiled a small smile, looking over at his concerned features. "I'm fine, I promise. It's been a long day."

"Kahlan," he whispered her name once again, he had missed saying it and through the months they had been apart, he realized just how much. "You don't look fine, you- Your heart is pounding and you-"

"Maybe I was busy before you came," she teased, knowing it would take his mind off of the topic of her health. "Perhaps I raced to my room, knowing you would arrive."

"You didn't know I was coming," he countered with a smile.

Lifting an eyebrow, she moved away from him, sitting with her back against the headboard of her bed. "Didn't I?"

"How could you have known? I've said nothing to the peasants."

She laughed, a wide smile holding on her lips even as she started to speak. "I have spies all over, there's no one I can't get to."

"Is that so?" he taunted in a voice he hoped to be stern, but only made her smile grow. "I'm afraid, Mother Confessor that it would be impossible to get to someone who I have not- I don't have anything to match that one."

Shrugging her shoulders, she leaned back in triumph. "I'll wait," she whispered after a moment of silent gloating. "You'll think of something in a day or so."

"Thank you for your kindness," he grinned, bowing his head.

When he looked back to her, the smile was slowly fading, her mind clearly moving over another subject. "How do you like it? Your training, I mean."

"It's-" Crossing his legs before her, he sighed. "It's exhausting, but there are times when I'm excited and then all of the sudden, I want to quit."

"Why?"

"Because I think- Kahlan, I may have the magic, but I do not feel like I deserve to have it. I've seen Zedd and you do so many things and I see the kind of people you are and I know if I train hard enough, I can control it, but I can never match what the two of you have."

"Of course," she smiled again. "But that doesn't mean you can't try."

"That's what i thought you would say; why I wake up every morning and begin again. Do you remember that night by the river?" She only nodded, a response he expected. "You said that I could never be like Darken Rahl, but I feel the darkness within me. When I use the magic, I can feel it tugging on my soul and at times, I want to give in."

"But you haven't."

"Not yet."

"Why?"

Staring down at his hands, he tapped his fingers together and frowned. "Because I know how much it would hurt us."

"Richard-"

"I don't want you to look at me that way, like I failed to do everything you thought, everything you've fought for me to do. I don't want to disappoint you and I know that if I lost myself to it and I became like him, the only thing I want as much as he wanted power, is you. If I became like that, I can't imagine the pain I would cause you." Taking in a slow and deep breath, he licked his lips. "I've never said that out loud before."

Her hand was suddenly in his view, grabbing his attention. "Come here."

Taking her hand, he came to sit at her side, pleased with the way she leaned into him. "It feels like you're the only one who can understand."

"We all understand, Richard. Those with and without magic struggle with the darkness within us. We all have it and," Turning slightly, she brought her hand to his cheek, holding his gaze as she smiled. "Because you fear it, it will never happen. Richard, listen to me, there's no doubt in my mind that you will stay far from the darkness. There's too much good in you."

"I don't know how you can be so sure."

"I read people, remember? I know you."

Tugging her closer, Richard rested his forehead against the top of her head, his arms circling her completely. "I don't know what I would do without you."

Returning his hug, she chuckled. "You'd fight Cara for control of the lands."

"Cara?"

"She has her eye on Aydindril."

"I'm sure. From the way you've spoke of it, it must be beautiful."

"I'm not sure she's staying for its beauty. There's a very handsome man, she's been sneaking into her room."

"Handsome?"

"Mmhm, many women have expressed their interest."

"And Cara threatened him?"

"She didn't have to." Releasing a laugh, she pulled away and pushed her back against the cool wood of the headboard. "He's very fond of her, I don't think she stood a chance."

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, why?"

"Your nose is bleeding."

Reaching to her nose, she wiped her fingers beneath it. Her eyes grew wide for a moment, fear covering her features until she looked to him and pushed it into hiding. "Can you take me back?"

"Kahlan, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I- I just need to go back. Please, Richard."

"Kahlan-"

"Please."

With a nod, he touched her face, letting him fade back into his world before her. When he was gone, she could still feel his touch, even as she moved off of her bed. She stumbled as her feet hit the floor, but not from the cold wood, her strength seeming to leave with each passing moment. Coming to her wash station, she sat down on the stool, she'd have to remember to thank Cara for leaving it there for her. Wiping her face with a damp cloth, she took in a deep breath, blinking in attempt to remove the spots in her vision. Closing her eyes, she reached beside the water bowl and picked up a small vial and quickly drank it's contents with a quick gag.

Laying her head on the edge of the table, she squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the headache to fade. It had been weeks since she slept, since she didn't feel like she was on the doorstep of the underworld and the only thing she could think of was keeping it a secret.

Kahlan awoke the next morning on her bed, tucked in beneath a multitude of blankets and a familiar scent at her side. From the way the sun rays hit her face, she knew it was late afternoon and now she knew there would be no more hiding. Turning her head, she unexpectedly met his eyes. They were filled with concern and covered with a haze of tears, locked on hers and unwavering. There would be no more hiding from him.

"Is this real?" she questioned in a sleepy voice.

"Yes. Kahlan, what happened?"

"How did you get here so quickly?"

He frowned, reaching over to her face with a damp cloth. "I used my magic. I've been here for three days." Her eyes closed as he patted the rag against her forehead, removing the burn for a moment. "What happened?"

"I don't know," she whispered distantly. "I started to get sick on our way here, but I thought it would pass once I was able to rest."

"But it didn't?" She shook her head, her eyes remaining closed as he moved the cloth to her cheeks. "Why didn't you see a healer?"

"I did," she whispered as she opened her eyes. "There was only one thing she could do. I've been taking her elixirs for weeks. I can't imagine how bad things would be without them."

"Kahlan," Pulling back, he replaced the cloth with his hand and leaned forward. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I thought I would get better before I needed to. I suppose I was wrong."

"I was so afraid I wouldn't get to you in time."

"What happened?"

"I was in the middle of packing my things, shouting at Zedd about not understanding and then, I was at your palace gates. Cara let me in, brought me to you and... You were laying over there and no matter how hard I tried, you wouldn't wake up."

"I'm sorry," she told him, trying to smile. "I was exhausted."

"You were dying."

"Richard-"

"I don't know what I would do if I lost you." Inching closer, he pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "I shouldn't have let you go."

"You could have asked me to stay."

"No, I couldn't. Kahlan, as much as I wanted to, how could I after everything I've done to you?"

Pushing herself into his arms, she buried her face into his chest. "I wanted you to," she admitted through a whisper.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, I should have told you."

"Kahlan, if I had asked you to stay, or if I had simply- You wouldn't have become sick. You wouldn't- Kahlan?"

Moving back, he looked at her in concern. Her eyes were closed, her nose bleeding and a pained expression locked on her face. Tugging her closer, he did his best to feel what was wrong, to heal her as he had tried to do many times over the past few days. There was nothing he could pinpoint as the problem, finding pain within her at every turn. No matter where he looked, he was filled with the same pain, pulling it into himself as he pushed his own magic into her, letting it warm each piece.

"Cara!" He shouted a little more angrily than he intended, but she came trough the door within a breath. "Find the woman she went to, the healer and bring her here. I have some questions for you to ask her."

The blonde left without question, eager to do his bidding. There had been times when she mentioned how the anger within gave him some excellent qualities to lead Mord'Sith and when he would give her the opportunity to use her own skills, she was grateful and she knew that as long as she remained by Kahlan's side, it would be required more often.


	8. Chapter 8

The woman Kahlan had gone to quivered before the Seeker, who stood next to the Mother Confessor's bed with cold and angry eyes. She had finally stopped crying, Cara's light punch seeming to be more than she could take.

"I'm sorry, Lord Rahl. I did my best!"

"You did nothing!" he shouted, pointing to the pile of empty elixir bottles Kahlan had held onto. "They are illusive elixirs! They treated nothing, only to render her unconscious! How dare you!"

The woman suddenly seemed surprised, shocked that he knew the truth. "How did you-"

"I didn't know," he growled. "Now, I do." He used every ounce of his strength to keep still, to keep from running her through with his sword, that whispered for him to do so. "You have committed a crime against not only Aydindril and its people, but D'Hara as well. I will punish you for your treason against my lands!"

"She has nothing to do with your land!"

"She is the very reason there is peace between them!" he shouted angrily, fighting the urge to beat the woman to the ground. "If the Mother Confessor dies, I will remove your head and leave it upon the gates of my city as a war wages on. Everyone will know what you have done and the deaths of every single person from then until the end of time will be your fault. Their blood will forever be on your hands and as you enter the underworld, they will find you. They will have their vengeance."

Cara stared at him in disbelief, surprised that he had come so far in his training that he hadn't murdered the entire palace for failing to notice how sick Kahlan had been. The small woman beside her, the healer, who none took the time to learn her name began to cry once more, bringing the Mord'Sith from her thoughts.

"She failed to give us another Confessor, she deserves to die."

The blonde stepped back from the other woman as Richard stepped forward. Again, to her surprise, he didn't hurt her. Kneeling down, he brought his face close to hers, his breath warming her face in warning. "She did everything possible to conceive a child, I do not believe you have any right to judge her on the attempt. If you bring it up again, you will spend a day with my good friend, here. She enjoys the little things, the ones most find to be cruel, to be honest, I wouldn't wish her form of play on my worst enemy." He saw Cara grin out of the corner of his eye, but he didn't look at her, instead holding the other woman's gaze until she nodded slowly. "Very good. Now, do you know what is wrong with the Mother Confessor?"

"No."

After a minute of studying her face, he stood and turned away, walking back to the bed. "Cara, take her anywhere you'd like, a place with no windows, doors, anything that can bring a moment of hope or happiness and leave her there."

"Yes, Lord Rahl."

The woman screamed at them as she was dragged from the room, all of her strength failing to compete with Cara's. Richard waited until he could no longer hear the woman's screams before he returned to his place in the bed. Kahlan's breathing had slowed, a good sign that he found eased his mind. He held her to his chest, doing his best to heal her once again while trying to stop his anger from burning them both alive. Closing his eyes, he tightened his hold on her, hoping that it would make it easier for him to find the problem. It seemed to move with her blood, touching every inch of her body and he could only think of one way to remove it.

Shifting their position, he brought to her back and leaned over, holding his forehead to hers. "I don't know if this will work, but I don't know what else to do."

Pushing his lips against hers, he kissed her, leaning forward until he was pressed against her. It was stronger now, the sickness within her. He could feel it seeping out of her, soaking into him through the kiss. It was painful, unlike anything he had felt before and it took nearly all of his strength not to pull away. Breaking for a quick breath, he struggled move, feeling all of the pain, nearly paralyzed. He didn't know how she had managed for so long, after only a few moments, he felt to be on death's door.

Bringing his mouth back to hers, he continued, doing his best to keep moving as his body began to burn. His skin tingled while his blood turned to fire, a pain he could not escape, while it still lived within her. Her body jerked beneath him, lifting slightly from the bed as a quiet groan left her throat. There was no imagining of the torment she felt, something he knew to be true, but wished it poisoned him instead.

Kahlan's eyes opened, her hands coming to his face, pushing his lips from hers. With a gasp, she held onto him, trying to understand what had happened. The veins in his face showed through his skin, dark and thick, his body shaking as she moved his back to the bed. She acted quickly, crawling over him so that she straddled his stomach. Her hands moved over his face, turning his head as she examined it.

"Spirits, no..." Leaning forward, she pressed her forehead against his. "Why would you- Richard I don't have the magic to save you. I can't- I can't lose you. Spirits, please... I need you to stay with me, Richard. Please don't leave me." Her tears dripped onto his face, heavier than she intended, but she couldn't stop them. "You didn't have to do this. You didn't have to save me, not like this. Richard, I know that you think my life is more important, but it's not. You- Richard, I need you to wake up. You saved me because you love me and I- I can't do the same thing. Richard, I can't help you." Pressing her lips against his, she held still, refusing to move until he returned her kiss. "Richard, please wake up." Kissing him again, she pushed closer. "I need you."

Time passed slowly, his body never moving and his breathing so slow, that at times, she couldn't be sure he was still alive. Cara returned, but the Mother Confessor didn't notice, her mind only on the man beneath her. She whispered again and again, begging him to wake up and look at her. He didn't move, even as her lips traveled over his jaw, an action he always enjoyed. She expected him to wake up, roll them over and without pause, make love to her, but he didn't. There was no sign that he even felt her touch, no sign of anything. Other than the visibility of his every vein, his body only appeared to be asleep.

With another kiss to his lips, she moved off of him, laying down at his side. "You're cold," she whispered, pulling a blanket over them. Her body was pressed against his, but she couldn't seem to keep him warm enough. Closing her eyes, she began to curse the spirits, demanding that they return him to her.

The moon was shining through the window as she wiped a damp cloth over his chest. He had begun to sweat, the sheets sticking to his skin. She talked to him softly, telling him about the night around them, how beautiful it was with the stars shining brighter than usual. Cara remained in the room, silent as she watched, moving only to bring her friend more water and occasionally, answer the door when someone came for her. Kahlan abandoned the cloth in the bucket of water, letting it soak up more water while she ran her fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry, Richard."

"You should eat something."

Pulling her eyes from the man before her, she looked over to the other woman, who stood in front of the window. "I'm not hungry."

"You're of no use to him if you starve to death."

"No," the Mother Confessor agreed. "But I'm no good to him like this, either."

"He must have thought differently."

"I don't think we ever really know what's going on in his mind."

"You do," Cara told her, her voice filled with annoyance. "I'm going to find something to eat."

"Will you do something for me?" The blonde nodded without hesitation. "When you return, will you bring us some apples? They're his favorite."

"Alright."

When the blonde left the room, Kahlan returned her attention to him, lifting the wet rag out of the bucket of water and bringing it back to his chest. "I'm sorry the water's cold, but it's the only way I am able to tend to your fever. I wish Zedd was here, he'd know what to do. Richard, he'd be able to heal you." His heart began to race beneath her touch, making her own race in hope. "Richard?"

His arm moved, her hand instantly finding his and holding it tightly. His mouth moved, trying to say her name, the silence hitting her ears instantly.

"I'm right here." His body went through a series of spasms, his hand gripping her tightly for a few moments before going limp. "Richard?!" Grabbing his face, she turned his head toward her, leaning forward to kiss him. "I'm right here, Richard. Please, come back to me!"

His body moved again, rougher than before, paving the at to moment his eyes opened. She shrieked, her mouth coming back to his for another kiss. Moving back, she watched him, trying to figure out what was happening and if he'd remain awake. "Please stay with me."

A small smile came to his lips, his fingers opening to allow hers to intertwine. Opening his mouth, he tried to speak, but found it impossible, releasing only a quiet breath instead. She was sitting on the back of her legs, her knees pressed against side as she held his gaze without blinking. Her body shook in anticipation, waiting for the moment she was sure he was going to be alright, but his eyes began to fall closed again. Squeezing his hand, she told him something she hasn't spoken aloud in months, words she could never say to anyone else. "I love you, Richard."

She was suddenly in another place, familiar in every way, all the way to the very naked man at her side. "Hi."

"You shouldn't have brought us here," she whispered, bringing her eyes to his. They were laying beneath a light set of blankets, their bodies pressed together firmly. "You shouldn't be wasting your strength."

"I'm not. This takes less than holding my eyes open and I had to see you."

"Richard," she whispered, touching his face. "I love you."

He wanted to kiss her, but he couldn't bring himself to move forward. "I don't know how you can," he told her honestly.

Inching closer, she grazed his lips with hers. "How I can love you?" she asked before taking a full kiss. "Or how I can be this close and not beneath you?"

Without hesitation, he rolled over her, holding his nose against hers. "Kahlan, I love you."

Pushing up against him, she grinned. "Prove it."

Kissing her, he instantly pushed down, holding her to the bed with his body. Her kiss was just as passionate as it had ever been, something he couldn't understand, but refused to think on further.

The time slipped away, bringing him to the moment his head lifted from her chest, their hearts pounding from their release. Blinking, he reached to her face, holding her cheeks as he brought his lips back to hers. The area around them was beginning to fade, their touch becoming lighter with each moment and then suddenly, they were no longer in that place.

Kahlan was still sitting at his side, her fingers wound around his, gripping tightly as though it was the only way to keep him with her. She waited for him to open his eyes, but he didn't. His breathing had slowed even more, making her tears rain down her cheeks.

Pulling on his hand, she brought it to her chest. "Richard, please wake up." When he didn't move, she closed her eyes, fighting the rest of her tears. "I love you, Richard." Laying down beside him, she moved into his arms, being sure to be as close as possible. She could hear his ragged breath, one, a long pause and then another. Focusing on the sounds of his breath, she continued to talk, telling him that if the time came and he needed to leave her, she would understand and that she was grateful for everything that he had done and if he was willing, she asked him to wait for her in the underworld. "I'll take care of Cara," she added quietly. "We'll keep each other out of trouble. Zedd will look after us both, though he can't do it as well as you." With a smile growing onto her lips, she inched closer. "But if you wanted to stay with me... I wouldn't fight your decision. In fact, if you wanted to stay... Richard, I want you to stay with me. I know that you can have a life with someone else, a real life with a wife and children, but I don't want you to go. I want you to be with me."

"Kahlan-"

She jumped, nearly shoving him from the bed as she looked down at his face, unexpectedly meeting his eyes. "Spirits, I- Are you alright?"

"I think so," he mumbled, blinking his eyes a few times. "But it's cold. Could you lay beside me again?"

She laid down instantly, hugging herself to him while she tried to find something to say. "Is this better?"

"Yes, thank you." He was quiet for a moment, but she could tell by the way his heart pounded that he was thinking, he was thinking about something important, the very thing she feared he heard. "Kahlan..." He paused, waiting for her reaction. There was no doubt that she knew what he was going to say, but he knew that she would never say what she had again. "Do you want me to pretend that I didn't hear you?"

"I don't know," she whispered against his chest. Kahlan listened to the comforting thump within his chest, wishing her answer hadn't upset him. "I meant it," she added quietly. "You can have a life with someone else."

"Not like the one I can with you."

"I can't give you anything, Richard." Sitting up once again, she pulled the blankets around him, making sure that he would still be warm in her absence. "I can't make love to you. I can't give you children, a son..." She was staring at the blankets, knowing that if she looked into his eyes, he would somehow make her forget every reason she couldn't be with him. "I can never love you the way I want to."

"You can love me."

"It's not enough."

He pushed through his pain and sat forward, reaching for her the way he always did. "Kahlan-"

"You shouldn't sit up," she whispered, lowering him back to the bed.

"Then don't sit so far away," he told her with a hint of a smile. "Kahlan, I will pretend I didn't hear you-"

"You can't," she told him softly. "I know you. You can't ignore those words."

"I can try."

"It feels selfish of me to have said it. I don't want to hold you back, Richard. I want you to find someone who can give you the things I cannot. All of the things you deserve."

"And what about you?"

"I'm a Confessor," she replied softly. "There is nothing to deserve."

"Kahlan-"

"Confessors have lived for centuries, living the same way. It is what we are, there is nothing more for me. I must take a mate and continue to serve my people. It is all there is."

"But what about what you want?"

"My mother gave me a speech once, comparing wants and needs... What I want is selfish and I cannot- It wasn't right for me to say what I did."

Holding her gaze, he tried not to look disappointed, doing his best to understand. "You thought I was dying, the words were nothing more than a final wish."

"Yes." For a moment she wasn't sure the word left her lips, but he couldn't hide his feelings from her. Looking away, she brought her eyes to the wall, finding comfort in the familiarity. "Sometimes I wish I was born as someone else, something different."

"If you had been, you wouldn't be who you are."

"Isn't that the point?" she asked, returning her eyes to his. "If I was different, I could be with you."

He frowned, fighting the urge to sit up again. "Maybe I wouldn't like you differently. You are who you are and I love you. If anything was different, a single trait, everything would change."

"I couldn't hurt you."

"You could never hurt me."

"I want to," she admitted in fear. "I've wanted to for so long. I- I've thought about it, wondered if it would all be alright, but then my mind rushes to that moment when Annabelle confessed you and I can't live with that man."

"But it would be you that I served."

With tears in her eyes, she nodded. "And that would be more painful. How could I do that to you? How could I take away everything that you are, the man that I love and force him to stay with me? Your actions wouldn't truly be yours and I can't make love to... How can I force you to love me?"

"You wouldn't. Not like any other, because I loved you before. I loved you before your magic swept through me and you have to know... Kahlan, I promise that everything I did, I would do now."

"But there would never be a chance for you to change your mind."

"What?"

Laying down beside him, she stared up at the ceiling and crossed her arms over her chest. "People don't always stay together. Their feelings change and they want to be free... If I confessed you, I take away your choice." Looking to him, she frowned. "I want you to want to be with me, every day and not stay because I took away your option to leave."

"I'm choosing to be with you, now."

"Things change," she whispered to him. "Tomorrow you may wake up and want to leave. You may want to return to the Palace of the Prophets, continue your training and then go home. You could be free, marry, start a family and spend the rest of your life, happy."

"And if I told you that I was happy now?"

"How long can it last? I cannot give you children, a family, an heir to your kingdom. All I can give you is this."

"I like this," he told her honestly. "Kahlan, I would never wake up and want something different. I've had a chance to move on and I didn't, I couldn't. I don't think I can ever explain how I feel about you. Kahlan, I don't want to go."

"Don't you want a family?"

"You are my family," he whispered, rolling onto his side to face her.

"Children?"

"You'll have children. Kahlan, if you will let me, I would like to be their father."

"Richard-"

Laying his arm across her stomach, he inched closer. "Blood is not the only thing that makes a family. If you will allow me, I will be their father. I would be good to them, Kahlan, I would-"

"I know," she told him quickly. "I have no doubts on the father you will be, but I... Richard, no man wants Confessors as his children."

"I do."

Looking back to the ceiling, she took in a slow breath. "And when I must conceive a child?"

"I will hate the man who holds you for the night. I won't sit back and smile, but I will not stop you. It's not my place, but I will make sure you know that if you need me, I'll be here. Kahlan, I know that it's hard, but I won't leave you. I won't let you do this alone and I will- I will spend the rest of my life, chasing our children down the halls, racing to the kitchen to beat Zedd to the desert."

She smiled, a small one, but he was happy to see it. She could imagine his words and he knew that she was. Her mind was playing it before her eyes, showing her a brief glimpse of what their life could be. Turning her head to him, she rolled over as well, touching his cheek. "And if it becomes too hard?"

"We'll figure it out as it happens, just like we always have. Kahlan, anything worth having is not easy; it shouldn't be."

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"Losing you. I want you to stay, I want that life with you, but if I have it, even for a while, if that day comes and you want out, I don't think I'm strong enough to survive it. If the day comes and I cannot control myself and I destroy you... Richard it's within me every moment. I can end everything that you are with a single touch and I'm afraid that I will."

"Then you do," he told her gently. He was against her, their chests pressed together as their faces stayed an inch apart. "If you confessed me, the only thing that changes is how you see me. Kahlan, if you confess me, the way you believe I was forced to love you is the way I always have. I've been confessed, I know the power of it and I am sure that there is no difference with you. I think I started falling in love with you the first moment we met and it's only grown. I've seen what you are capable of, who you are and how strong you are. I know you and it's only made me love you more. I know that the possibility scares you, but it gives me hope. Kahlan, your fear tells me that you love me just as much and if your magic ever enters my body, I will feel it in a way I've- We will feel each other's love in a way we have always dreamed."

She grinned, fighting the urge to kiss him. "I don't know how you can exist."

"Will you allow me to stay?"

"Only if your promise me something."

"Anything," he responded without hesitation or pause.

"Promise me that if the time does come and you do want to leave, you will tell me."

He wanted to argue and tell her that it would never come, but he knew that it wouldn't ease her mind. She would always wonder if he wanted to leave, if he thought he could have something more with another woman and he knew her well enough to know that she would never hold onto him, even if it broke her heart to let him go. "I promise."

Holding his eyes, she licked her lips. "Would it be alright if I kissed you?"

"It would, but first I must warn you," he added with a grin. "I seem to have all of my strength back. I will be kissing you properly."

"Where's Kahlan?"

"She's in our room with Paul," Richard answered his grandfather's question as he came to sit beside him. "Is there any food left?"

"I may have saved you something."

Grinning, the Seeker reached across the table and pulled he bowl of fruit in his direction. "What happened to the apples?"

"Kahlan took them."

Grinning, he sat back in his chair, biting into a pear. "I think she's starting to like them as much as I do."

"How are you?"

"As well as I can be with another man above her." Looking to the wizard, he shrugged. "If I could change her mind, have her take me, I would. Zedd, I- I know that she loves me, but it doesn't make it easier to let her do this."

"Richard-"

"She thought I couldn't hear her, I found her sitting in the wardrobe- Zedd, if there was a way, we'd know, wouldn't we?"

"Nothing is that simple, Richard. Not many would allow themselves to be near a Confessor long enough to see anything more than fear."

"All of those people will never know what they lost."

"No," the older man agreed.

The room grew quiet as the Mother Confessor's magic shook the wall. Zedd looked to Richard, who thumped his fingers on the table, counting silently. After a few moments, the Seeker smiled and pushed away from the table.

"Excuse me, she needs me."

The wizard simply nodded as his grandson walked from the room, surprised by what he had just seen and what it meant.

Richard entered their bedroom without hesitation, walking casually to their bed as he pulled his shirt over his head. Kahlan was laying beneath the blankets, facing away from the door, just as she always did. She was naked, clinging to the soft cloth around her as he came into view. With a soft whimper, she reached out for him, taking his hand as he bent a knee on the side of the bed.

"It's alright, Kahlan," he whispered. Coming closer, he laid down at her side, holding her eyes with his. "You don't have to do it."

"I couldn't..." she told him through a whisper. "They will know."

"Let me be with you," he told her instantly. "Kahlan, I know that I can give you a child, before you lose control of your magic again."

"Richard-"

"You know that I can. You had the thought before, we had a chance and now... I won't let you confess me, I promise."

Inching closer, she closed her eyes and reached between them, unlacing his pants as their lips touched. He was laying above her within moments, her fingers stroking him until he whispered her name in warning. Their bodies moved together, one slow thrust, rock and roll of their hips until her nails raked down his shoulders and he emptied himself within her.

His head fell to her chest, listening to her heart pounding as he fought to remain still, knowing how difficult it would be for her to hold on if he continued. He remained still, his body pressed against hers, safe in the warmth of her, held tightly with her every breath. The question always found its way to his mind, wondering how her body had learned to do such a thing, tighten and release then repeat until he saw spots in his vision. Closing his eyes, he focused on the action, the feel of her body beneath him and as his next breath came, he was gone again.

Running her fingers through his hair, she pushed her chest against his, using the feeling to survive. Her legs were hooked over his, holding him in place, keeping them together until she was able to let him go. He wanted to lay this way forever, but he knew she wouldn't allow it. Between breaths, he kissed her chest, trying to continue her pleasure in any way he could.

"Richard," she whispered, pulling slightly on his hair. He moved instantly, rolling off of her and onto his side, watching as she sat forward and sucked in a strong and deep breath. "I'm sorry," she panted as his hand came to her shoulder. "I wasn't sure I was going to be able to hold it back any longer."

"I know, it's alright." Sitting up, he inched closer to her, his arm slipping around her waist. "Kahlan, it's alright, try to breathe."

She smiled, looking over at him. "That's not what I have to remember to do."

Returning her smile, he rested his chin on her shoulder. "It would have been cruel to tell you not to let it go."

"Because of your wandering hands," she breathed out as she stopped his hands. "Maybe you shouldn't do that until I have control."

"You have control, it's a part of you." Pulling on her gently, he pushed his face into her hair. "Come here." She laid back against him without pause, letting his arms circle her. "Is this better?"

"In some ways," she joked, shifting her body to angle his.

"I can make it better," he said while his arms tightened around her.

Closing her eyes, she held his arms, using the feel of them to give her the courage to say what rolled in her mind. "I'm sorry, Richard." She knew he was going to tell her that she shouldn't be, that she hadn't done anything wrong and just as she felt him take in a breath, she continued. "You were right before. Weeks ago and I know that you would never say it, but I have to. I was afraid I would hurt you, I am still and I know that it hurts you when I bring him to our room, but I-" Turning her head, she met his eyes. "I bring him here because even when I know I can't go through with it, I think that, for a few moments, I'm keeping you safe."

"It's not difficult to believe that it's possible." He surprised her with his words and he knew that he would. "Kahlan, you are always trying to protect me and I understand, but you don't have to."

"Yes, I do. You know how close I've come to destroying you."

"And this isn't the last time it will happen. Kahlan, one day we will find a way to be together in the way you deserve." He kissed her forehead and smiled. "I know you don't want to hurt me, but I'm here, I'm laying in bed with you and we're happy. I know you think that it's not possible, but look at us."

"Is this happy?" she asked softly.

"I know it's a strange feeling for you, but- ouch!" he groaned as she pushed her elbow into his stomach.

"Confessor's don't get this life, Richard. I keep expecting something to jump out of the shadows and take it all from me."

"I feel like something comes out every time you bring Paul into our room," he told her honestly. "Maybe that is the pain we must bear. Maybe he is what will keep us from forgetting what we have together. Kahlan, things that jump out of the shadows are not always what we believe them to be. Maybe what we have is a cursed gift, one that will bring more than enough struggles, but we know they are worth it. They make us stronger, give us meaning... But I promise you that anything that comes out, anything that threatens us, we will face it together and I will do everything that I can to protect you."

"How long?" she questioned. "How long can it hold onto us?"

"As long as it feels it can beat us." He smiled, surprising her as he eased their position, making sure they were leaning completely against the headboard. "It won't beat us, Kahlan. It will stab and cry, but we'll win. We always do."

Staring into the darkness of the room, she grabbed his hands. "I hope so."

"Me too."

******The End******


End file.
